Love and Winter in Ocean Bluff
by Xanagar
Summary: The annual Christmas festival is steadily approaching in Ocean Bluff. But that’s the least of Theo’s worries; he continually struggles with feelings for his best friend, and begins to wonder if love is all it’s cut out to be.
1. One

**Title: **Love and Winter in Ocean Bluff

**Author: **Xanagar

**Part: **One

**Rating: **M

**Series: **Power Rangers

**Genre: **Romance/Drama

**Pairing: **Casey, Theo

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any part of _Power Rangers_. I did not gain any profit from producing this fan fiction; it was created for entertainment purposes only.

-

**ONE**

-

A sense of overwhelming accomplishment always lingered after rush hour, as if some great evil had been eliminated. The floors remained cluttered with the remains of the day, the air smelt of baked dough and tomato sauce. And outside, snow fell blissfully, completely ignorant of the antagonizing warmth that existed just past the front door. It was a Friday; seven days until Christmas.

The upcoming holiday brought with it a sense of joy, but also a sense of panic. There were gifts to buy, parties to arrange, cards to send out, and very little time to do it all in. People rushed past the Jungle Karma Pizza on their way to do their last-minute shopping, a look of apprehension on their faces. And yet, inside the restaurant, the atmosphere was one of a strange calm, as if a critical stillness had taken over, and no one dared to break it.

Theo, in particular, embraced these moments of silence. It was during these moments that he took the time to relax, to think about things - anything, really, but mainly about life in general. It was easier this way, trapped in the quietness, suddenly profoundly aware of the world around him.

"What a night." A voice called from the kitchen, tired but grateful. "What a night, indeed."

Theo reached underneath a table and began to sweep up forgotten debris: napkins, old pizza crusts, soda lids. It had been quite a night; perhaps it was the Christmas rush, but Theo had never seen so many people in one restaurant before. The gargantuan herds of shoppers and non-shoppers were enough to make him consider hiding under a table himself, amidst the clutter and garbage.

"But," the voice continued, suddenly more enthusiastic. "We did it. We _did _it, and that's what matters. A little rush hour never hurt anyone."

Nearby, Theo heard a faint, "That's easy for him to say."

Emerging from the kitchen, R.J. made his way to the middle of the restaurant, then allowed himself to take in his surroundings. "A little shabby, yes, but that's to be expected on nights like these. And not _one_ complaint throughout the night, either." He turned to indicate the three employees sweeping the floors to his right. "I'm impressed once again. In fact, I think this calls for a reward."

"That could mean anything," Lily uttered skeptically as R.J. ushered himself back into the kitchen. "For all the work we've done tonight, we'd better get medals. And a trophy - a big one, with our names on it."

Theo rolled his eyes quickly, took his now full dustpan to be emptied. "That's asking for a lot," he said, dumping the flimsy thing out into the large can. "I expect it'll be something small. Knowing R.J., he'll probably come out with a free pizza, or something."

Lily sighed, joined him at the garbage can. "Let me dream. It's been a long night."

"I wouldn't mind a free pizza," a voice called from a nearby table. "I could use something to eat."

Theo and Lily both exchanged comedic looks, then went to sit at the table where Casey waited for them, sitting serenely, his hands behind his head.

"That's just your stomach talking," replied Lily. "Think big. He might give us a pay raise."

Theo smirked. "We get paid?"

"Oh, _funny_. But really, I hope it's something good."

As they sat down upon the soft-cushioned seats, Theo felt all of his muscles relax completely, releasing all of their stress, their tension. It seemed odd that something as simple as sitting down could make him feel this good. Every ounce of exhaustion seemed to melt away, allowing him to feel suddenly rejuvenated, healed and reenergized once again.

"Maybe he'll give us the rest of the holiday off," Casey said hopefully. "There are only a few days until Christmas, after all."

"Now _that_ is wishful thinking," Lily added as R.J. reappeared, three small envelopes grasped between his fingers.

"Here," he said, laying them onto the table, a grin betraying his enthusiasm. "Consider it a Christmas gift from me to all of you."

Theo reached into the middle of the table and grabbed his own envelope. As he opened it, he wondered if Lily was, in fact, right, and expected to see a small stub of some sort. Instead, a large, folded-up piece of paper fell out and into his lap. He picked it up curiously, and unfolded it. His eyes skimmed around the page, and he heard R.J. say rather proudly, "Well? What do you think?"

"Well, it's not food," Casey muttered under his breath.

"_You are cordially invited to a Christmas celebration_," Lily began, reading aloud, "_hosted by your very own R.J. at seven, this Monday night._" She finished, and looked up at R.J. curiously. "You're hosting a party?"

"A _Christmas_ party?" Casey added. Theo believed he could hear excitement in the other boys' voice. He smiled; it was just like Casey to get excited over things like this: parties and more opportunities to be together. It was the small things, Theo thought, that pleased him the most.

"Yes," R.J. said proudly, eliciting a small giggle from Lily. "I will be hosting a Christmas party this year, for all of us. But most of all, for you guys, and for all of the painstaking work you've accomplished in the midst of the holiday season."

"A reward for all of our sweat, blood and tears," Theo muttered, looking back down at his own invitation. "Nice."

Lily tucked her own invitation into her pocket. "And where is this party of yours being held?"

"Why, _here_, obviously." R.J. turned around, raised his arms in the air. "I can't think of any better place than right here."

The idea of a means to celebrate was certainly uplifting. Perhaps this would be an even better way to relax and forget about the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, even with the other things Theo had already obligated himself to. He had already promised that he would go with Lily to a local event being held at the concert hall, appropriately titled _Christmas Rocks!_ Originally, he hadn't been overly keen on the idea, but there hadn't been any way to reject the invitation, and besides, Casey had agreed to go along as well, so how bad could it be? Along with that, there was the annual Christmas festival held every year, in which Lily had volunteered to be a part of the planning committee. Needless to say, there were a lot of things on Theo's mind. And yet, as he sat amongst his friends, he felt content, surrounded by warmth.

"Of course, someone will need to tell Fran. But that's what letters are for; I'll have everything organized upstairs. It'll be a perfect way to celebrate the spirit of the holidays." R.J. reached into his pocket, pulled out a small, fresh portion of mistletoe. He held it above their heads. "You guys just bring along your happy faces, alright?"

Theo looked up, eyed the green decoration with interest. It seemed awfully foreign, ornamented in the restaurant's light.

"But now," finished R.J. suddenly, "we finish closing down for the night."

He turned and strode back to the kitchen, allowing the door to swing lazily behind him. Lily and Casey began to discuss the party in detail, every so often glancing back at Theo, who nodded in agreement, unaware of what exactly was being discussed. His stomach tightened slightly as he continued to stare upward, admiring the place where the mistletoe had been.

--

Upstairs, Theo began to undress for bed. He looked outside, and could still see small traces of snow landscaping the edges of his window. The streetlamps still remained lit, casting a yellow glow across the outer streets. As he slipped into his pajamas, he thought of the party, the concert, the upcoming festival.

"Decent?"

Theo jumped; startled, he turned to face whoever had intruded upon his room. "Not really," he said. "But come in, anyway."

Casey smiled, made his way to the small bed in the corner, where he plopped down, ignoring Theo's look of protest. He looked at the other boy's pajamas, plaid, in different shades of a darker blue. "I didn't know you still had those."

"They're not _that_ old," Theo rebutted.

"You could use some new ones."

"I don't want new ones."

Casey began to roll around indifferently on the bed, making himself comfortable. "_Well_ then, by all means keep wearing them. I was going to buy you some new ones for Christmas, but you seem too attached to those; I can't imagine what would happen if you'd have to part."

Theo grunted and said accusingly, "At least I sleep in _something_."

This didn't seem to affect Casey in the slightest. He laughed, responded with, "And? It's not as indecent as you think it is. Actually, it's pretty comfortable once you get used to it."

"No thanks," said Theo. He leaned against the wall, watching the many cars go by through the window. "So, what do you think about this party R.J.'s concocted?"

Casey reached for Theo's pillow, began maneuvering it under his head. "It sounds like a good idea. You know how much I like parties."

"There's a lot to do now, though," Theo answered, scratching the back of his head. "Now we've got that party, along with the festival and the concert."

"Feeling overwhelmed?" Casey asked jokingly.

Theo quickly rejected the idea. "Of course not. I'm just saying, it's a lot. Especially with Christmas so close now. And neither of us has bought gifts yet."

"There's still time. Maybe I'll be able to get you some new pajamas after all."

"Always working for the greater good, aren't you?" Theo asked.

"It's what I do," said Casey as he sat up and began to stare out the window.

Theo watched. The other boy looked so innocent, so pure like that. "Don't you have to get to sleep as well?"

Casey shook his head, made a face similar to that of a puppy. "I don't get to sleep with you?"

"Very funny."

Theo walked over to his bed and found his rightful place underneath the covers as Casey jumped up and headed towards the door. He reached the archway, then stopped and said, "So what do you _really_ want for Christmas?"

Theo sighed, tired. "Some peace and quiet."

"Anything else?"

Theo thought for a moment. He gripped his pillow within his hands; it smelt familiarly of the boy who had recently lounged there. "You'll be the first to know when I come up with something."

Casey reached towards the small light switch on the wall. "Deal," he said, before turning out the light.

--

Theo awoke the next morning to noise - loud noise, coming from downstairs in the main area of the restaurant. This wasn't completely abnormal; Saturdays tended to be busy days at the Jungle Karma Pizza. Theo sighed, and felt incredibly lucky that he had the day off after the previous night's hectic events. He pushed himself out of bed and dressed quickly, taking a quick glance out the window to see that it was, in fact, still snowing. Grabbing a jacket from his closet, he headed downstairs, and into the fury of voices that erupted as soon as he entered the kitchen.

R.J. was already hard at work preparing pizzas. Above him, a string hung across the wall, where small yellow papers containing orders had been attached with clothespins. Noticing Theo walk by, he said, "Got quite a crowd this morning. Breakfast pizzas are in surplus at the moment."

"Need any help?" Theo asked, silently hoping for his help to not be needed. He sighed with relief as R.J. shook his head, motioning him out of the kitchen with his free hand and exclaiming that he should enjoy his days off when he has them.

Lily and Fran were rushing back and forth among customers, taking orders and delivering them. Theo watched them and felt slightly guilty at being given a day off on a busy day such as this. Of course, there were other workers to help out, too, but he still wondered if he could perhaps do something before leaving.

"Hey, Fran?" Theo asked as the haggard-looking girl with glasses passed him. "I'm going out for the day. Is there anything I can do before I go?"

Fran looked around, acknowledged the ruckus that was her job. "Don't worry about it, really. From what I heard, you guys had it quite rough last night. Lily and I can handle this crowd."

A man at a far table asked loudly where his drink orders were, and Fran said a quick goodbye before running off to help Lily.

As soon as Theo stepped outside, the extreme cold gripped at his throat and flailed against his cheeks. Looking around, he saw the usual influx of daily shoppers, each one carrying an assortment of shopping bags and wrapped boxes. With a sharp tug of his zipper, he pulled his jacket closer against his body and tucked his hands safely inside his pockets, setting off through the begrudgingly thick snow that now lay on nearly every inch of concrete around him.

The shopping district of Ocean Bluff had been decorated remarkably in every manner of the word. From what Theo could tell, no expense had been wasted. Lights clung from every lamppost, wreaths hung on every door, and Christmas trees radiated from inside every store window. It was quite a spectacle, Theo thought, but a feast for the eyes, no less. Once, he reached one store in particular that had on display a variety of new fashions for the winter season. Quietly, he imagined Lily would appreciate things like this: clothes and such; but, there was the idea of buying Casey a gift. Casey was not the type of guy to openly declare when he wanted something, which made it insanely difficult to shop for him. In another store window, Theo noticed an advertisement for different colognes - each with its own unique aroma. One of the colognes in the advertisement, Theo knew, belonged to Casey. It was a sharper scent; it carried the smell of grass, of heavy rain and musk.

Theo continued walking past the many shops, looking in each one for ideas on what to buy as gifts. Eventually, he made his way to the western business district, where the crowds of people seemed to multiply. Momentarily, he considered heading back - then, he noticed the park entrance, covered in snow but still slightly visible. Sighing, he decided a little time to rest couldn't hurt. Every tree surrounding the park was shrouded in white; the large stone walkways that normally traversed through the collections of beautiful foliage were now barely visible underneath the large amounts of fallen snow. Theo found a bench and sat down, grateful for the moment's reprieve.

The park, for the most part, was strangely deserted. Nearby, a couple walked together, hand in hand, their faces carrying obvious smiles. Theo wasn't jealous; he'd never actually been able to see what was so incredible about partnerships. Of course, the fact that he'd never truly been in one could have contributed to such a way of thinking. But there were times, those rare occasions, when he did wonder to himself: was there really something so fantastic, so deep and meaningful about them - something, perhaps, that he was missing? He'd developed a close relationship with Lily, but he could hardly call that more than a friendship. Then there was Fran, but, again, they were nothing more than close friends. Sometimes Theo had tried to justify his lack of partnership by explaining to himself that such things were unimportant; after all, there were other things to worry about, like training, things that needed constant fine-tuning and perfecting. But, regardless, Theo could not deny that there was something oddly intriguing about the couple, their smiles, their radiant bliss.

Maybe, if he could just try to be in a serious relationship with someone, for once, could he experience what those two were experiencing, such contentment and joy? Theo continued to ponder this as he stood up, ready to move again as his legs had become rather stiff from sitting in the cold for so long. Another excruciating breeze tore his face. He closed his eyes tightly; he thought of holding hands and leaning on another shoulder, of a different kind of happiness.

A strange, intruding heat touched his ear; a low voice said, "Going somewhere?"

He didn't realize he had fallen until he'd opened his eyes again. Cold, powdery flakes rubbed against his neckline, and he felt himself being pushed down by a sudden weight. And there was a smell - a faint, familiar smell.

The weight upon him moved around, and laughed. Theo mustered the will to look up, and found his perpetrator. "You didn't need to push me over," he said.

Casey held him still, his weight doing most of the work. "I'm a master of surprise," he uttered, smirking triumphantly. "I can sneak up on anyone."

Theo tried to push the other boy off, but to no avail. He sighed heavily and lay still, hoping Casey would politely get up of his own accord. "Yes, you're a master, a genius, obviously the smarter of the two of us. Now, can I get up, please?"

The brown-headed boy shook his head. "Not yet. What have you been doing today?"

"Well," Theo began sarcastically, "believe it or not, you're not the only one with a day off." Casey said nothing, and so he continued. "I was just walking around, looking at the city."

"Is that all?" Casey did not sound convinced in the slightest.

"And I was looking in shop windows; for gift ideas and stuff-"

Theo felt himself being pushed down harder; the boy on top of him leaned forward, back to his ear, and whispered excitedly, "You're buying _gifts_?"

"That's normally what people do during Christmastime." There was the warm breath again, the smell that reminded Theo of mountains, of lakes. He tried to look inconspicuous, unaffected by Casey's sudden closeness. "Sorry if you missed the memo."

"That's not what I mean," Casey said, leaning closer. "If you're buying gifts, that means you're buying gifts for your friends, and if you're buying gifts for your friends," he found Theo's eyes, "that means you're buying gifts for _me_, too."

The sound in his friend's voice was almost naïve, with a hint of childish exclamation and excitement. Theo made to laugh again, but stopped himself. Then, he felt his stomach begin to wrap around itself again; the freezing cold around him seemed to disappear; the warmth in his ear traveled down, making its way to every inch of his body. Vaguely, he felt himself tremble.

He said, "I guess." It was the only sentence that seemed to form in his mouth.

Casey's smile broadened. He allowed his weight to slacken some. "How nice; you're thinking of me." As Theo opened his mouth to retort, Casey continued, "So I need to buy you something even better, don't I?"

The question, during any normal circumstance, would have seemed ridiculous. Yet Theo found that it made him slightly uneasy, as if something were happening, something indescribable, and he wanted to stop it, but couldn't. After a moment, he managed a small, "What?"

Clearly satisfied with the situation, Casey stood up, extended a hand to Theo, who accepted it, trying to ignore how it felt: soft, but worked with calluses. He was pulled back onto his feet; he didn't even acknowledge his own back, covered in white, or the ache that seemed to have formed in his arms. From what seemed like far away, he heard Casey say, "That's it, then. I'll just have to get you something better, something even cooler than what you're going to get me." He punched the air; he appeared ecstatic. "Consider it a challenge, Theo."

Theo barely registered. He touched his ear, then his cheek. "You're silly," he said.

Casey ignored this, continued to appear as happy as he'd ever been. "Maybe," he said, "but I don't remember you ever backing down from a challenge, am I right?"

"It's not even a challenge, really. Just a wager."

"Challenge, wager, whatever." Casey placed a hand on Theo's shoulder. "Consider it friendly competition then, if anything. A little Christmas rivalry is good for the soul." He reached down and picked up a handful of snow, and began to form it into a well-crafted ball. Tossing it into the air playfully, he added, "And besides, you've already promised to tell me when you decide what you want this year. I guess that's a little unfair though, considering that gives me an advantage. How about I tell you what _I_ want?"

In the way Casey said this, Theo could sense something mischievous, something almost unnaturally clever, as if the other boy knew something important, and wasn't telling him. "Fine," he said, finally brushing off some stray snow from his jacket, slightly taken aback. "Go ahead, if you want."

"I want something small," Casey said, his expression softening, "but large, too. Something meaningful."

"That's pretty vague," Theo said, trying to sound nonchalant. "Care to dissect that for me?"

Casey laughed, shook his head again. "Nope," he said. "That's for you to figure out. Otherwise it wouldn't be a real challenge." Snow began to fall more heavily; the sky became blotched with dark clouds of gray. Casey turned, began to walk away. "I'll see you back at the parlor," he called, before making his way out of the park exit.

And Theo felt cold again. He made to say something, anything. His insides relaxed again, the aching in his body suddenly painfully apparent.

Close by, he heard the happy couple laugh quietly to themselves, as if mocking him, his hurtful uncertainty.

--

TBC

Owari

9/30/08


	2. Two

**Title: **Love and Winter in Ocean Bluff

**Author: **Xanagar

**Part: **Two

**Rating: **M

For genre, disclaimer, etc. see part one.

-

**TWO**

-

His encounter with Casey became etched in his memory. As he walked back towards the Jungle Karma Pizza, he found himself frequently returning to that moment, when he had become so close, almost uncomfortably close, to his friend. And what was worse, Theo couldn't seem to be able to label exactly what it was he had been feeling when it all had happened - how was it that he'd never reacted that way to Casey before? In the back of his mind, he told himself to try not to think about it, that it was just a one-time thing. But the thought loitered annoyingly, and Theo swore he could still feel the tickle of Casey's breath upon his ear.

People continued to rush by him, barely acknowledging him, their own agendas far more important. His mind drifted once again to the offer made to him by Casey. Was he really being serious? Probably, knowing Casey; but how was Theo supposed to translate such a phrase as the one he had heard?

_I want something small, but large, too. Something meaningful._

It sounded as though he was hinting towards something. But what? Theo reminded himself that Casey did things like this - he joked around; friends did do this sort of thing occasionally, it wasn't uncommon. Perhaps Casey hadn't expected him to think anything more of it.

And yet, why did Theo still feel so confused? Why wasn't the issue resolved yet, if it wasn't such a big deal?

After what felt like hours of endless walking, Theo returned to the restaurant, which, upon entering, appeared to be surprisingly empty. Lily remained behind the cash register; Fran was hunched over a table near the back, cleaning. And as he looked around, Theo spotted no visible sign of Casey.

"You're back early." Lily looked up at him over the register. She continued sorting through money as Theo sat down at a table near her. "Have a good time?"

Theo shrugged. "I just had a walk. It's pretty crowded out there," he looked around, indicating the unusual emptiness, "which is more than I can say for this place."

"You've just missed the early-morning crowd. The lunch wave hasn't gotten here yet, thankfully, which gives us some time to prep. And don't worry. We've still got everything under control here. Actually, I think Fran and I did pretty spectacularly, if I do say so myself."

At that moment, Theo might have accepted an offer to work - anything to keep his mind from wandering. "Nice to know," he said untruthfully. Then, only because it was the only thing he could think to ask, "Has Casey dropped by yet?"

Lily shook her head. "No, not yet. He left earlier than usual, and I haven't seen him. Why do you ask?"

Theo tapped his toe on the floor, tried to stare at it fixedly. "No reason. I met up with him at the park, that's all. I don't know what he was doing, but he seemed pretty happy."

"That's Casey for you," Lily said, smiling. "It's like him to be cheerful around times like this."

"Yeah." Theo felt as though his toe would soon pierce through the ground. "That sounds like him alright."

The chiming of the cash register's closing signaled Theo to Lily's approach. She pulled up a chair, sat close to him. "Something wrong?" she asked. "You seem so nervous. And," she grabbed hold of his leg, holding it still, "you're about to cause an earthquake."

"I'm just tired." Even as the words left his mouth, Theo realized how unconvincing they sounded.

Lily arched her eyebrows slightly. "You weren't even gone that long."

"Sometimes large crowds make me tired."

"Large crowds? Theo, your resume includes protecting the people. Crowds are the least of your worries." She leaned closer, and concern echoed in her voice. "Is something really bothering you?"

Theo said nothing. What could he say, even if he had wanted to? He watched as Lily's hand left his leg and reached up to take his own hand. "Really, you can tell me," he heard her say. "I'm sure it's nothing I haven't heard before, or had to deal with myself."

"You say that now," Theo added.

"But at least now I know that something is bothering you." Lily smiled, and Theo felt her need to care for others bestowed upon him. "And unless you've killed someone, I doubt it's nothing you can't handle, anyway. So don't worry so much about it. You're Theo. Theo doesn't let small things upset him, does he?"

Maybe Lily was right. Maybe this was something small, something that couldn't possibly have a hold on Theo forever; or, at least, that's what Theo told himself hopefully. Taking Lily's advice into consideration, Theo spent the afternoon trying his hardest to keep the morning's events as far away from his mind as possible. For the most part, he kept himself occupied by training and meditating, but even that could only keep him preoccupied for so long. He even considered going down to help Lily, Fran and R.J. in the kitchen, but knew that his help would be rejected. However, as the day went on, Theo realized that something like this would take will power, and the ability to control his thoughts. As the sun began to fade behind the many buildings outside, Theo felt that his resolve had grown, that he'd be able to manage; he was a ranger, after all. Rangers didn't have time for silly things like this, silly ponderings over things even Theo didn't altogether understand.

The sun set completely, and, as Theo heard the restaurant closing up for the night, a voice called to him from downstairs.

"Hungry?"

Theo went to the stairs, peered down towards the kitchen. "Sure, whenever you guys are," he called.

Lily called back, "The usual?"

Theo sighed, sensing the prospect of routine fading back into reality. "That sounds great," he answered. "Need some extra hands?"

But Lily had already appeared at the stairs; she carried a wide, thin pizza box under her arm, a plastic cup in her hand. "Don't bother, we're on our way up."

Theo moved away, allowing her to pass him on the stairs and enter the upper loft. "Sounds like you guys did well tonight. Hope everything wasn't too-"

And then he saw the same hair, the same eyes as he'd seen earlier as they slowly took form from behind the stairs; his jaw clenched, and he forced himself calm. As Casey made his way up, he smiled across to Theo, who returned the gesture sheepishly. R.J. followed close behind.

"Another successful night," he said, stepping towards the refrigerator in the corner and rummaging inside it before reappearing with a large bottle of soda. "Kudos to the chef."

Lily took a seat at the bar and relinquished the pizza box, opening it up, and allowing a brilliant aroma of cheese and freshly baked tomatoes to travel into every corner of the room. After a moment, Theo joined the others at the bar, taking quick notice to the other boy standing across the bar from him, swallowing pizza as though it were his last meal; this was both repulsive and, to Theo's shock and confusion, slightly enjoyable to watch. Lily rolled her eyes, considering this as nothing new, and turned back to R.J., returning to a conversation concerning the upcoming party.

"And you don't think this place is too small?" she asked, taking a small sip of her beverage. "I'm sure we could find a bigger place if you want."

"No, no," the long-haired man answered. "It'll only be the few of us, so no help needed. That's not to say, however, that it won't be quite a production."

"So you're going all out then?"

R.J. inhaled loudly, as if expecting a dramatic cue to sound from somewhere distant. "Why, just the _name_ 'all out' doesn't do it justice, Lily. Even for just us and Fran, it will be a night to remember. And that, my friends, is a promise."

Theo felt Lily's eyes protrude him once again, heard her say, "And I'm glad you're feeling better."

As he quickly made to respond, he saw Casey stop eating for a moment and look up, interest apparent in his face. "You were sick?"

"No," Theo answered, giving Lily a reproachful look. "I wasn't sick."

Casey relaxed his shoulders upon the bar, cocked his head to one side. "Oh," he said. His voice still sounded somewhat concerned. "But something was wrong?"

Theo exhaled, looked from Lily, then to Casey. "No. I mean, nothing serious. I was just feeling a little weird, and that's all, nothing else. I wasn't _sick_. I just had a lot on my mind."

This seemed to settle the matter completely, at least for Lily. Casey, on the other hand, continued to peer closely at Theo, his eyes drowned in something unfathomable, something Theo couldn't strictly comprehend from just staring at them alone. Feeling his face grow slightly hot, Theo quickly turned away and grabbed the empty pizza box upon the bar, pushing it roughly into the garbage can. Behind him, he felt Casey's gaze soften, heard him say to no one in particular, "I think we should play a game."

Lily began to pick absentmindedly at a stray piece of ice in her cup. "A game?"

As Theo returned, he heard R.J. say with comedic wit, "I used to be a master of strip poker; that is, if anyone else is interested-"

"I had something else in mind." Casey sat up straighter, and Theo heard his voice deepen slightly with the sound of intent. "How about it? Nothing like a little fun before bed."

Finally succeeding in trapping the last remainder of ice in her mouth, Lily pushed her cup aside. "Alright," she said, swiveling enthusiastically on her chair. "I'm game. Theo? How about you?"

For a moment, Theo had hoped he'd simply be forgotten. He gulped, and wondered if anyone could hear; this certainly wasn't supposed to happen if he was going to try to keep a balanced head on his shoulders. He answered, "I guess... I mean, it depends... What game?"

Casey jumped up and made for his own room. Disappearing from view, he said rather slyly, "You'll see."

Theo waited, not quite sure on what Casey would return with. But he had to keep his head together, had to keep his thoughts in check; silently, he reminded himself that he couldn't afford to allow himself to ponder too much on what had happened in the park. It simply would not bother him, and that was that. And yet, as Casey returned, Theo quickly shot his gaze to the thin box in his hands, and his face fell.

R.J. seemed to get the same impression. Snorting rather loudly, he said, "I'm out."

"Oh, come on," Casey said, moving to the center of the loft and sitting down with the box in his lap. "You're backing out?"

"Don't consider it backing out. Consider it adulthood; tomorrow there will be more customers, and at least one of us should get some sleep." He left the loft, laughing quietly to himself as he went. Lily smiled knowingly and began to push Theo forward, towards the small, white box that seemed to strike such inhumane terror in him.

"Oh no," he said, shaking his head vehemently. "No. No way. No how."

"_You're_ not backing out too, Theo," Lily said, suddenly pulling him with her towards Casey, where she sat down, her legs crossed like a child awaiting a game of duck-duck-goose.

"It's not that," Theo protested, his voice suddenly rather apprehensive. "It's for little kids. You can't actually expect me to want to cooperate."

Lily pulled the box into her own lap and opened it; she removed a large, plastic mat covered in multi-colored spots. "We _are_ kids," she said, spreading it out in front of them.

"Maybe you are." Theo folded his arms defiantly. "But I'm not."

A strong grip attached to his hand, and he ceased talking immediately. Casey looked up at him, his eyes still just as impenetrable as before. He pulled Theo down next to him with stunning forcefulness. He let his grip die; he said, "Sit."

There was something strong and incredibly demanding in Casey's voice. It had been a command, not an offer. Distantly, Theo was reminded of the tone of voice his parents would normally take on when he'd done something bad, or something that had made them irate. Deciding to stay obedient, at least for the time being, Theo remained still, watching nervously as a small spinner was placed on the floor nearby, and the white box was discarded completely. Lily took the spinner in her hand and began to move it gently around the wheel it stood on. "I assume you both know the rules," she said. "Although we might need to remind Theo, him being an adult, and us just being little kids."

"I know how to play," Theo said, eyeing his friend challengingly.

Casey clasped his hands together. "Well then, let's play."

--

It started out simply enough - and safely enough, much to Theo's relief. He had been given the job to operate the spinner during the first game, a job that he took on wholeheartedly. Really, he'd only played this game a few times, but a few was certainly enough to know that this wasn't the sort of game you played when you began to have conflicting, almost antagonizing emotions over your opponent; it just wasn't a good combination.

As the game went on, Lily and Casey eventually found themselves completely tangled among one another, before Casey clumsily slipped and landed on the mat.

Accomplishment glowing in her face, Lily said, "The true Queen of Twister is unstoppable."

Casey stood up, brushing himself off. "Yeah, yeah, unstoppable." Then, quite plainly, he looked at Theo. "But I still get to play against Theo."

"You already lost," Theo said defensively, hoping this would be reason enough to back down.

Casey shrugged. "Maybe I just want to test my skills against you."

He approached Theo, extended his hand; suddenly, Theo found himself back at the park, his stomach once again churning, his body covered in unmistakable heat. As he was pulled up, he felt the same strength in Casey's tug, the same confidence and grace. Even as he stepped cautiously onto the map, he imagined his face might begin issuing sweat drops at any moment. Lily situated herself back on the floor and wished them both good luck. With a quick flick of her finger, the tiny arrow of the spinner moved into life.

Theo watched it as it steadily began to slow down; his heart began to beat just a little faster.

"Left hand, blue," Lily called to them.

Both boys reached down to their left and touched the large blue dot beneath them. An easy beginning, Theo knew, as this game always ended in awkwardness between the players. At some point, he'd have to move a lot closer to Casey, and he wouldn't be able to avoid it.

The spinner spun around again. Lily said, "Right foot, green."

Theo turned and found another dot to move his foot to. Unfortunately for him, he watched as Casey took his foot and moved it over his own, onto the green dot in front of his. Sighing heavily, he wondered if perhaps Casey was doing this on purpose, trying to make him lose miserably, or worse, trying mercilessly to put them both in the most embarrassing position possible. The spinner spun two more times, allowing Theo to, at the very least, get some leg room; but Casey seemed to have other plans. Each time Theo believed he'd gotten himself more comfortable, the other boy would covertly manage to get the two of them even closer, even more entangled. After yet another excruciatingly long spin from the spinner, Lily turned to them both, a grin spreading quickly across her face.

"Well boys, it's left hand, red." She looked from them to the mat, and her voice became knowing, as if she could see the outcome before it had happened. "And it looks to me like you're about to collapse."

Casey laughed, and Theo felt that same familiar breath upon his neck; it smelt strongly of pizza. "You just don't want me to beat Theo, that's all."

"Well," Lily began, indicating Theo's anxiousness to move, and move quickly, "we'll certainly see, won't we?"

In the next moment, everything seemed to slow down until it seemed that time itself had stopped. Theo saw it happen before he could register a reaction, any emotions at all. He reached for the appropriate dot and, as he landed upon it safely, saw the other boy's hand travel underneath him, onto the adjacent dot; within moments, Casey was next to him, his face merely centimeters away. A sudden panic hit him, and he fell. And as he fell, he took notice to the body above him that fell with him, that landed roughly on top of him without warning. For a split second, as time made its predetermined halt, he felt his heart would burst out of his chest.

The other boy raised his head, looked at him, smiled. "Sorry about that," he muttered.

Theo couldn't speak. Instead, he stared, uncertainly, into his friend's eyes, waiting for something, anything, to happen.

He heard a cough - a low, polite cough. Casey turned his head in the direction of the noise, his body still resting comfortably upon Theo's. "Yes?"

"Oh, nothing," Lily answered, looking around to catch Theo's face in all of its bewilderment. "But whenever you decide to get up, I'll gladly declare you the winner. There's no doubt about that."

Finally, a shift in weight, and Theo felt himself able to sit up as Casey began a celebratory dance. His heart still refused to stop. Time had only just managed to catch up, but how long had it been? Theo couldn't possibly be sure. It seemed like seconds, then minutes, then even hours to him. Only recently had the world begun to spin normally again.

Lily looked at him and said, "You look exhausted. Did that game really take it out off you?"

Before Theo could respond, he felt a hand clasp onto his shoulder; Casey's hand. "Of course not," he heard the other boy say. "He's just a good loser, that's all."

"Which you certainly aren't," added Lily, rolling up the mat and placing it gently back into its box. "If I recall, you whine even if you don't win at checkers."

Casey shook off the accusation. His hand rested contently on Theo's shoulder, giving no intention of moving. Slowly, he crouched down, so that he was at level with where Theo sat. "You're not mad that I beat you, are you, Theo?"

Theo shook his head; he wondered if the voice that issued from mouth was even his own. "No."

"See?" Casey said, wrapping his arm around Theo's neck and pulling him close, then addressing him directly. "You can't tell me that wasn't fun, kid or no kid."

Theo waited a moment, waited for time to reverse itself entirely, but no such thing happened. Eventually, he nodded, and felt Casey's strong arm around his neck soften carefully. And as his heart began to slowly reclaim its normalcy, Theo found the energy to look up into the other boy's eyes, back into pools of vague, immeasurable question, and wondered if anything else at the moment could ever be reclaimed as normal again.

--

TBC

Owari

10/3/08


	3. Three

**Title: **Love and Winter in Ocean Bluff

**Author: **Xanagar

**Part: **Three

**Rating: **M

For genre, disclaimer, etc. see part one.

-

**THREE**

-

"_Something small, but large."_

He was running - wasn't he? He couldn't be entirely sure; time seemed to be a nonentity, which hindered his ability to comprehend exactly how long he'd been moving, or if he was still running at all. His breathing was staggering, causing his exhales to be somewhat erratic and broken apart. The sky seemed to be breathtakingly white, almost absurdly so. He could see trees, a mountain; he could smell a distant river. In his ear, something buzzed in a most antagonizing way.

"_Something meaningful."_

At least he knew he was outside. The landscape seemed to indicate he was in the country, in the most abandoned part of the world, where it appeared life had yet to be interrupted or intruded upon. It was obscenely beautiful, he thought.

But why was he here, and what purpose did this place serve? Then, suddenly, his face became hot, and he felt a piercing warmth flood through his veins. He felt himself lifting off, the incoherent buzzing still whispering to him as he rose.

--

He tried not to think of the dream. It wasn't as if he could decipher it, anyway, so he really didn't see the point in reminding himself of it again and again. And he certainly wasn't one to be superstitious, or to believe in anything supernatural, like dreams being able to indicate the future, or voices that spoke to you in your sleep, trying to tell you something insanely important, even if you refused to listen properly.

He was tying his shoes when he noticed a head sticking in through his door. He looked up, nodded, said, "Good morning."

The head smiled at him; a stray hand pushed the bedroom door fully open. "Sleep well?"

Lily's voice seemed to radiate a strong calm, and it helped Theo to breathe, to bring himself back to the ground again. "You could say that."

He finished tying an unusually tight knot when he felt his friend's weight upon his bed, saw her sit casually next to him. She looked out his window, grimaced at the still-falling snow, then said to him, "I had an interesting dream last night."

"Oh?" Theo went to the other shoe, began to pull unnecessarily hard on his shoestrings.

Lily continued. "Yeah; it was one of those weird ones. You know, the ones that seem to have no meaning, but you feel so happy in them? I was flying - really high - so high I thought I'd go up into space if I didn't start falling back down soon. And then, all of a sudden, I was no longer flying, but rather, surrounded by the ocean."

"You were in the ocean?"

"Like I said," Lily added, "it was one of those weird dreams. I don't think they're supposed to mean anything. They're just supposed to make you happy, and hopeful, too."

Theo rubbed his face with his hands, reassured himself by taking a few breaths. "I don't dream anymore," he said.

Lily gasped at him, pointed an accusatory finger in his direction. "Liar. Everyone dreams. It's a natural thing to do."

"Well _I_ don't." He sat up, moved away, towards the door. "I stopped dreaming a long time ago. And I'm not disappointed in the least," he lied.

Lily sighed, followed him out into the larger portion of the loft. Downstairs, R.J. was preparing to open up for another day's work. Theo and Lily would both soon have to head down as well and help out, as they had been assigned to work for the day. Not only that, but Theo would have to work in the company of Casey, even after their awkward moment the night before. Theo wasn't exactly sure Lily had thought anything of it. At least, she hadn't mentioned it, yet. There was still the question of what Casey had been thinking, falling onto him like that - had it been purposeful, or just accidental? And, of course, there was still the question of what he was going to get the other boy for Christmas; although, there was still time for that, he told himself. Even though there were only five days left, he was sure he could squeeze in time for gift-shopping later. But for now, he had to focus on the present, and that involved working. As he made his way with Lily into the kitchen, clad in his uniform and apron, he mentally prepared himself for what he hoped would be an uneventful day.

Out in the main lobby of the restaurant, Casey was already hard at work setting up chairs, restocking supplies, and doing some last minute scrubbing of some nearby tables. He noticed Theo, and smiled. "Morning," he said enthusiastically.

Theo coolly returned the gesture, said, "Good morning, Casey."

He shook his head clean for one final time; Casey lingered in his peripheral vision; Lily went to the front door, turned the sign around so that it read, "Open."

--

The usual lack of people started off the day. One or two couples would enter, take a seat near the back, reminisce silently to themselves. Theo had taken over the post of being both host and waiter, and relished in this time he had, where he could work to keep his mind off of Casey, and could still relax without the threat of rush hour. It was only ten in the morning; lunch was still two hours away.

As he began to idly reorganize the menus at the counter, he heard a familiar voice from the front door.

"And this is where I work; it's Sunday, so it won't be too crowded until lunch, but I just wanted to show you-"

Theo looked up. "Fran?"

The girl standing in the entranceway wore a large coat. Absentmindedly, she brushed off a few flakes of snow from her shoulders, and smiled at Theo. Indicating the older couple behind her, she said, "This is Theo, one of the friends I work with." She then turned back to Theo. "Theo, these are my parents."

The man standing behind Fran outstretched his hand, smiled down at Theo pleasantly. "Theo, is it?"

Theo nodded, accepted the handshake. "Yes, sir."

"Fran has told us a lot about you. Hasn't she, love?"

The woman who apparently was Fran's mother nodded, offered an equally charming smile. "She always talks about her friends with such energy."

The man continued as Fran lead her mother to be introduced to Lily, who had just emerged from the kitchen. "It's great to finally meet all of you. Really, it is."

"Oh, I'm sure we're not as epic as she might make us out to be," Theo responded, scratching his head timidly. "Really, we're rubbish on any given day."

"That's not exactly what I mean," the man said, looking over fondly at his daughter, then back to Theo. "I'm sure you know just as well as I do that Fran, of all people, can tend to be a tad anti-social. Or, rather, she likes her books more than she likes people."

Theo shook his head. "I wouldn't put it that way," he said. "She just needs some time to blossom."

The man's smile broadened, and Theo thought he could see gratefulness in his eyes. "She's never spoken so highly of anyone before. All she can talk about are her wonderful friends, and how she's never met anyone quite like you. It's lovely, you know, hearing your daughter talk so happily. It's made her mother and me so proud, so thankful."

"That's really nice of her," Theo said, feeling an overwhelming fondness for Fran develop.

"She wanted to introduce you to us," the man continued, "and we - that is, her mother and I - wanted to thank all of you personally. And so, the opportunity has arisen, you see."

From afar, Fran beckoned her father over, and he gave Theo one more obliging nod before walking away. Quietly, Theo organized his thoughts. He had always known that Fran thought a lot of her friends, but never that she cared so strongly for them. The word 'love' loitered in his mind, and he did not object. But then, he began to wonder to himself - if Fran could love her friends so strongly, so willingly, could Theo?

From beside him, Casey said abruptly, "They're a happy couple, don't you think?"

Trying not to seem surprised at the other boy's sudden appearance, Theo nodded in agreement. "They seem happy enough. They wanted to thank us for being good friends to Fran. That's why they're here."

Casey sighed almost girlishly, causing Theo to look oddly in his direction. He said, "How romantic."

"They're married," Theo said, as if the fact were dramatically obvious. "Of course it's romantic."

"It's nice to see." Casey leaned against a chair and continued to watch as Fran's mother and father made their way into the kitchen, where R.J. greeted them loudly. "And it's nice to know Fran thinks so highly of us."

"We're not that special," Theo added.

"Oh?"

"I mean, I'm sure she makes us sound like saints."

Casey laughed, added, "Don't think so lowly of us. We're not that hopeless."

Defensively, Theo said, "That's not what I meant." He went back to the counter and began to sort through menus again. "I just mean we've all got our problems, things we worry about."

The noises from the kitchen became softer; the couple at the far table became preoccupied in each other's gaze; Theo felt Casey move closer to the counter, heard him say, "What kind of problems could the Great Theo have that could make him sound so... so..."

"Tired? Fatigued?" Theo said.

Casey took one of the menus out of Theo's hand and opened it, pretending to scan it indifferently. "I was going to say uptight, but sure, whatever suits you best." When Theo refused to respond, Casey added, "You have been acting weird lately."

"I haven't." Theo snatched the menu back from Casey and tucked it safely under the counter.

"Sure about that?"

Theo tried to ignore the cunning undertone of his friend's voice. "Of course I'm sure. It's not like I can't decipher my own feelings."

The two stood quietly in each other's presence, not saying anything at all, only listening to the sounds of R.J. leading Fran's parents up into the loft, muttering ceremoniously to himself all the while. The couple at the far table, having paid their bill, stood up and made their way out into the embracing cold. Then, Casey relaxed his head on his arm, and said, "So, have you decided what to get me yet?"

Theo stopped folding napkins momentarily, looked up at his friend cautiously. "I haven't really given it much thought."

Casey opened his mouth, mocking offense. Theo rolled his eyes and continued to work with the smooth paper in his hands. "I'm still waiting for an explanation to that riddle," he said. "If you expect me to get you anything you want, you at least owe me that."

"Do I?" Casey asked.

"Yes, you do."

"I'll have you know it wasn't even meant to be a riddle."

Theo moved the napkins aside and allowed himself to stare clearly at the other boy; he still had the same boyish charm, the same unequalled enthusiasm of the night before. "Well what was it then? Because it sure sounded like one."

Casey leaned closer, whispered, "It's supposed to be a _hint_."

"It's a bad hint, then," Theo responded shortly.

"Or maybe," Casey said suggestively, "you just haven't caught on to the hint yet."

Theo felt his body tense uncomfortably; he said, "What's that supposed to mean? Why not just tell me what you want, so that there's less bloodshed for the both of us."

"Because that would ruin the fun of it being a _challenge_, Theo. And besides, you still haven't told me what you want either; so when you come up with some ideas, maybe I'll be a little bit clearer with you, how's that?"

It sounded blasphemous, but what could Theo possibly say in response? Sighing loudly and ignoring Casey's quiet laughter, he tucked the napkins away and buried his head in more menus, searching for something to do to pass the time until lunch time reared its ugly head.

--

Inevitably, the lunch crowd did come, and brought with it the same business and sense of turmoil. Even so, the team worked tremendously - Theo especially - and managed to get through it safely. At around four-twenty, Lily motioned towards the clock on the far wall, and said, "Almost time to pass things over to the next shift."

The front door opened, sounding off the jingle that indicated new customers, and Theo nodded to Lily, who quickly went to clear off a table.

"Hello," Theo said to the two men who made their way inside. "Welcome to Jungle Karma Pizza. If you'll just come this way, I'll seat you over here."

Theo led them to a table in the back, and reached into his apron pocket, pulling out a pad and a small pen. "Could I get you anything to drink to start off with?"

One of the men said, "We'll both have water, if that's alright."

Theo nodded and walked away, back into the kitchen. As he began to fill two empty cups with ice, he informed R.J. of the two new customers and then quickly filled the cups with water before ushering himself back out into the lobby.

"Here you go," he said, passing the drinks to their owners. "And what would you like today? Would you like to hear the specials?"

The taller of the two men who had not spoken before said, "The calamari pizza looks good, actually. I think we'll be having that."

Theo frowned, turned back to stare at the kitchen, as if expecting someone to answer for him. "Actually I think we're out of calamari at the moment, but if I could, I'd love to suggest the-"

He felt something graze against his neck, something warm and soft. Then, he watched as Casey wrapped an arm around his neck. He heard the boy say, "No sweat. I think we've actually got a little bit left - I'll tell R.J. to cook some up right now if you want."

The two men eyed one another. Theo could feel an unpleasant heat begin to flurry in his cheeks, and knew he was probably turning a deep shade of scarlet. He said quickly, "Don't worry, I've got this."

"Ah. I'll be over here cleaning up then," Casey responded before moving away, and allowing Theo to regain his supposed grip on his consciousness.

"Well," he said, gathering his composure, "looks like we do have some left. So, if the two of you want, I'll just tell the chef to make some up right now."

The shorter man looked at Theo curiously, as if scrutinizing him for some kind of crime he'd committed. Then, he smiled. Rather suddenly, he said, "Do you like him?"

Theo's stomach did a complete back flip, and his eyes widened. "Excuse me?"

"Well," the taller man interjected, "we just decided to ask the blunt question, just in case it was the right one. And from your reaction," he indicated Theo's sudden tenseness, "it looks like we've succeeded in asking the right question."

Theo gripped his pen in his hand, tried to think of other things, of snow and of crowds that congested the streets outside. "I don't know what you're talking about," he finally said.

"Well, not in a friendly way-"

"-but in a loving way, you see?"

"Yes, Steven, I was just going to insinuate that. We mean in a more romantic way-"

"-or even in a sexual way-"

"-whichever suits you best, really."

Theo looked from one man to the other; neither was very old at all. In fact, Theo wondered if they were possibly college students attending university. He tried not to take notice of the heat that seemed to have returned to his face, and said, "Wait, no, you don't mean-"

The taller man, apparently named Steven, added, "Oh, but we _do_. You see, we're experts in the field of... what would you call it, Jim?"

"Sexual tension?"

"Well, no, dear, I was thinking of something a little less straight-forward. We'll call it hidden feelings," Steven finished.

Theo stammered loudly. "H-hidden?"

The man named Jim nodded confidently. "That's what we said. And, if I could be quite frank, it looks like you're hiding a _lot_."

Theo straightened up quickly and said firmly, even rather rudely, "I'm not hiding _anything_. Now, if you would, please tell me what _pizza_ you would like to _order_, good _sirs_."

Both men looked back at each other, smiled. "The calamari sounds delicious," one of them said, but Theo didn't notice which one had spoken; he was already on his way back to the kitchen, moving at top speed, pushing quickly past Lily as he reached his destination.

Upon reaching R.J., he said agitatedly, "One calamari pizza."

R.J. looked up serenely at him, his expression calm, unfazed. "Ah, calamari! I love calamari - especially when it's fresh. Anything else, perhaps a side of-"

"No," Theo said curtly. "That's all."

Ignoring R.J.'s look of surprise, he stepped back into the lobby and walked towards the cash register. Below him, he saw the perfect stack of napkins he'd taken the time to fold earlier, so pristine and perfect in their construction. Without realizing it, he took one and, after gazing at it for a moment, ripped it in half, and tossed it haphazardly into the adjacent garbage can, cursing both himself and his ridiculously provocative emotions while doing so.

--

His shift finally over, Theo grabbed his coat and stepped outside into the freezing temperature. Snow still fell in drastic numbers; people continued to pass by in amazingly large groups. The day's events had certainly gotten to him. He had thought, perhaps naively, that if he could just keep himself busy, he could avoid his feelings altogether, but now such an idea was completely moot. This not only caused him much aggravation, but also, much anguish at his own inability to comprehend his own feelings.

He couldn't decide where to go, and the sun was already beginning to move westward. It would soon be dark, and the bright lights and decorations of the city would become a central attraction. Finally, he began to move, until he became a part of the ongoing crowd of passerby.

After a while, he found himself back at a small café he had passed by on his first excursion through the city. Sighing and deciding that he could use a little something to calm him down, he entered the small shop and was greeted graciously by the warmth of the inside, the smell of coffee beans and cakes. He found a table near a window and took a seat. He hadn't wanted to admit to it, hadn't wanted to tell himself that these emotions were weighted, that they might actually mean anything. But now, as he thought back to what the two men had said to him, it didn't seem altogether impossible at all. They'd erupted something in him, a defiance that even he hadn't expected. Even as he had tried to defend himself, he had felt a stabbing pain in his chest, a guilt that seemed to pronounce itself and leak through his words as he spoke. It'd somehow managed to give away his true feelings even when he'd tried so hard to suppress them. And yet, even as he sat draped in the warmth of the tiny room, he still couldn't piece together a name for his feelings, a label for the weight that caused him so much heartache.

"Theo?"

Theo turned around, saw Lily as she moved into the café. She said, "I saw you leave, so I followed you."

Theo said, "Oh."

"You seemed like you were in a hurry. It looked like something was really bothering you." She looked around, taking in the quaint cheerfulness of the place. "And I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Theo stood up, offered her a chair across from him. "I'm fine," he said. "Come sit with me."

As Lily did so, she took note of Theo's eyes; she loosened her jacket, said to him, "Do you know what my mom used to tell me when I was a little girl?"

"What?"

"She used to always tell me that she had a secret way of discovering whether or not I was lying, or whether or not I was hiding something. I thought she was insane, to be honest. But then she'd say, 'It's your eyes, Lily.' And I didn't really understand what she meant then. It took a long time. But I realize now what she was trying to say - our eyes can't lie, they can't hide what we're really feeling. Did you know that Theo?"

Theo said nothing. He thought of Casey, of those orbs that he'd stared into so many times, only to discover nothing but vast namelessness staring back at him.

Lily waited a moment, then continued. "Your eyes are sad, Theo."

"Are they now?" Theo questioned humorously.

Lily nodded. "They're sad, and they're tired, too."

"That figures." Theo began to play inattentively with a nearby salt-shaker. Lily continued to watch him, but he didn't mind at all. Then, as the passerby outside seemed to dissolve, and the festive lights began to light up in multitudes, Theo spoke again. "I dream of things I don't understand."

Lily said nothing; she seemed to understand. Theo continued, "I dream of running. I can see trees, and mountains, and I can hear water from rivers nearby. And there's a smell, a smell that I've known for a very long time. And then I start to lift off, and everything disappears."

"I bet it's a beautiful place," Lily said softly.

"It is," Theo responded, trying to call back the images he'd almost forgotten from the previous night's sleep. "And there's a voice. It's saying something really important to me. I think I know what it is, but I'm pretending not to hear it, or at least pretending not to know what it's trying to tell me."

Lily relaxed her arms on the table, nodded. "It's probably not good to ignore it."

"I know." Theo clutched his hands in his lap. "Trust me, I do."

And then, Lily leaned in. She said reassuringly, "But I'm sure you'll know what to do with it. You're strong, Theo. You'll know how to interpret the dream."

"But how can you be sure?" Theo asked. "People keep telling me that, that I'm strong."

"I just know. I have confidence in you."

Theo looked at his lap, loosened his grip, watched his hands soften back into their normal shade of color. Placing them onto the table, he glanced back at Lily. "I have these feelings," he uttered almost silently. "They have everything to do with it. There's so much weight to them, it hurts. More than anything, I want to know what these feelings mean, what it is I'm feeling."

Lily reached across the table, took his hands in hers; they were warm. "Then stop trying so hard. Just let them speak to you when they're ready, when they've matured enough." At Theo's bewildered look, she added, "You can't possibly expect yourself to understand everything you're feeling, that would make things too easy, and you wouldn't feel accomplished afterwards. Just be patient, okay? Promise me you'll be patient, Theo?"

Theo sat quite still. Outside, he heard the rare laughter of total strangers, the intensity of their footsteps. Lily remained relaxed, buoyant in every way possible. Snow continued to fall as the world moved forward, despite its brandished obstacles.

"Yes." Theo felt his grip tighten again, this time onto welcoming hands. "Yes."

--

TBC

Owari

10/14/08


	4. Four

**Title: **Love and Winter in Ocean Bluff

**Author: **Xanagar

**Part: **Four

**Rating: **M

For genre, disclaimer, etc. see part one.

-

**FOUR**

-

She stood against the cold wall of the kitchen, swung her foot lifelessly back and forth. Surely he was still asleep; surely he wouldn't be able to hear them. She'd debated mentioning anything to anyone - it wasn't any of her business, after all. But, she really did care for him, her friend that she'd known for so long now. It would be disloyal for her to _not _say anything, she finally decided, and forced her foot to cease movement. Another boy passed by her line of vision. She reached out, touched the fabric of his shirt.

He turned to her; she said, "Can we talk?"

Casey stared, bemused. He'd never received an invitation quite like this before. Although, there was something serious in his friend's face, something altogether worrisome. He watched as she stood there, trying to gather her thoughts.

"It's about Theo," she finally said.

Her voice seemed to mimic her expression, and Casey nodded, his own expression becoming rather nervous. After a moment, Lily continued. "I'm sure you've noticed the way he's been acting. He seems odd, almost tentative about everything. I can tell that something really is bothering him, Casey, but I don't think he'd tell us just of his own accord."

Casey agreed; he'd certainly noticed something different about Theo, and it was obvious - he could see it in the way that he moved from room to room, could hear it in his voice, the way it harnessed a fragileness that could break at any minute. "Not with his pride," he said. "He wouldn't tell us."

"And I'm sure he doesn't want to worry us, either." She thought back to the night before, recalled Theo's uncomfortable hesitancy, his eyes that carried so much weight. "I tried talking to him, though. Just to see if I could offer some helpful advice."

"And?"

Lily said, "I guess it worked. But I'm just not sure." She began to unknowingly grip her fingers together. "I made him promise me that he'd just be patient with himself, and not let this thing - whatever it is - make him into such a wreck," she continued. "But I could see that he was still worried about something, that something was still on his mind."

It all seemed to come together. Casey had suspected it, and now his suspicions had been confirmed; although, this didn't quell his worries. Regardless of how they might have bickered with one another on a normal basis, or how they'd never lost an opportunity to criticize each other's training habits, he really did care for Theo. When they'd first met, he'd felt so small, so unqualified in the shadow of the other boy - particularly because of his supreme lack of skill in certain areas. Of course, as they'd grown older, they'd learned to balance each other out, and become even closer friends. Suddenly, they became capable of seeing each other in completely different lights; suddenly, it was apparent that they were, in fact, human beings with feelings and problems. And so, as Casey listened to Lily's story of the previous night, he felt something ignite inside him, a spark, perhaps, that he'd never felt before.

"And so I want to ask you for a favor."

Casey expected what was coming. He said, "You want me to look after him?"

Lily nodded. "Could you just try to find out what's bothering him? Maybe if he won't tell me, he'll open up more to you."

"The two of you are practically siblings," Casey said. "If he won't tell you, what makes you think he'll spill the beans to me?"

He watched his friend give him a look of disapproval, and therefore decided better than to argue with her. There was always the possibility that she was right, that maybe Theo would feel more comfortable talking about whatever was bothering him with Casey. Maybe it was a 'guy thing' - those problems seemed to come up often, anyway.

"Fine," he said, taking Lily's heavy sigh of relief as encouragement. "I'll look after him for a while."

From upstairs, a noise sounded; footsteps traveled across the ceiling, headed for the nearby stairs. As Lily moved towards the door to the lobby, she offered Casey one last hopeful look before taking her leave.

---

His body seemed to ache without any sign of stopping. Was it just fatigue? Theo couldn't exactly say he had been successful in keeping his emotions in check, and had convinced himself that this lack of fortitude, this feeling of being pushed down by something large and overbearing, was just a tiring reminder of things that still remained to be worked out. And yet, Lily had tried to help. She had lovingly offered her advice, had tried to convince him to just let things happen when they needed to happen - but, could he wait that long, or would this thing growing larger and larger inside him swallow him whole beforehand? Regardless, he'd made a promise to her, however emotional he might have been while making it; therefore, he would try his hardest to just allow life to move forward, and wait for things to come into context later on. He'd just have to be patient.

Stepping into the kitchen, he was greeted with an unusually exuberant greeting from R.J., who seemed to be lost in thought and deep contemplation.

"Everything is almost in place," he muttered, dashing back and forth across the kitchen, grabbing random objects and hastily moving aside others. "I've got just a few more things to do. Like the decorations, the tables, the food; should I bring a piñata? No, certainly not - too festive. No time."

Theo took notice of the many boxes stacked against the wall, and suddenly, he remembered again. "You don't have to go through all this trouble just for us, R.J." He went over, took some things from his master's arms before they had a chance to fall to the ground. "Really, it's not necessary, don't work yourself to death."

R.J. laughed energetically, obviously unfazed by the comment. "_Nonsense_, dear Theo. Tonight, I promised a night to remember, did I not? And I plan on delivering just that. You guys just wait - it'll be spectacular. But, you see, I have an idea. I just came up with it last night, and I think it may work with everything I have planned thus far."

"Yeah?" Theo said cautiously, wondering what R.J. could possibly be planning.

"Yes, yes, but I'll need some help. Oh, but that's where _you_ come in. I have Fran helping out Lily today, so they'll be able to hold down the JKP; and I have a special job for you, Theo." He motioned towards the boxes in the corner, said, "I'll need you and Casey to take those upstairs to start. Then, I have a small errand for the two of you to run."

Theo felt a lump form in his throat, cutting off any chance of rebutting the offer. He sighed. Here was his chance to keep close to his promise to Lily.

"And while the two of you are gone, _I'll_ be setting up camp upstairs." R.J. went back to the fridge, began taking out random ingredients. Then, rather unexpectedly, he lurched back from around the large silver door and said, "Oh, and before I forget, you'll need to dress in something a little different than that."

Theo eyed his own attire skeptically. "What do you mean?"

"I've decided to make this a _formal_ gathering - followed by a righteous celebration, of course - but you know better than I do that those," he scanned Theo's work uniform, his apron that looked a bit old and worn, "are just a _tad_ inappropriate, no?"

"And here I thought this was supposed to be a lax get-together," Theo said.

R.J. closed the fridge door and began sorting through items: eggs, butter, milk, even an extraordinarily large pheasant that Theo took to be a turkey. "Well, who says you can't be lax and still look ridiculously elegant at the same time? Now, there's no more time for speculation. Trust me, it'll be grand. If you would, go ahead and start-"

The kitchen door swung open, and Theo found himself looking back at Casey, who, upon seeing him, graciously offered him a look of forgiveness. "So, R.J.'s told you about it, too? The errand?"

"Yes, R.J. has," a voice said from aside, causing Theo to snap out of his small trance and acknowledge his boss once again. "And we're on a tight schedule, kids. Seven-o-clock will be here before we know it."

Theo watched as Casey moved past him and grabbed at the box at the top of the stack, grunting slightly in the process. He averted his eyes quickly, trying not to notice how the other boy's muscles seemed to become even more noticable as he did so. As he took a box for himself, he managed to look inside, and noticed the large quantities of silverware, plates, and napkins.

"This stuff is breakable," he said, as the two made their way up the stairs to the loft.

Casey called back down to him comically, "I'll try to stay focused, thanks."

They continued this process of transferring the large boxes back and forth, Casey exploiting the opportunity to show just how masculine he was, and Theo silently cursing himself for momentarily losing control of his will and allowing his eyes to slip over to his friend as they worked. Once the last box had been placed upstairs, Casey made a triumphant gesture before the two were called back down by R.J., who held in his hand a small, slightly torn piece of paper.

"The address is on the paper," he said, outstretching his arm and passing it to Theo. "Just pick up the item there and make your way back here. It's a bit far, but that should give you just enough time to leave, come back, dress, and be ready for tonight."

On his way out the kitchen door, Theo heard Casey say, "We'll find a way to pass the time."

---

After actually taking the time to read the small note he had received from R.J., Theo discovered that not only was their destination on the other side of the business district, but it would take at least past one hour to get there from Jungle Karma Pizza. He'd been thankful to have yet another day off of work, but was slowly beginning to realize that this rather small errand, as R.J. had put it, was appearing to look much more menacing than any typical day at work. The snow seemed to have slackened off a bit, which made traveling across the sidewalks slightly easier; also, the crowds had diminished almost completely - probably due to the fact that most everyone was either at work, at school, or at home, relishing a day to not have to shop so viciously. As the two boys walked together, Theo swore he could see Casey eyeing him every so often. During these times, he'd quickly pretend to be preoccupied with something, like a car driving by, or even the color of the sky.

At one point, Casey finally said, "Do you think R.J. will stay busy all day long?"

"He's really into this party of his." Theo tucked his hand into his pocket and withdrew the small note; he looked at street signs, making sure they did not miss the correct place to make a turn, or cross over to another sidewalk. "And this package of his we're picking up better be worth the trip. My legs are going to be popsicles before too long."

He heard Casey laugh, and added, "I'm serious. You may have muscle, but I'm not so heavily clad in that department."

"You flatter me too much," Casey said. "It's not really that cold - the snow has stopped. And I'm almost just as tiny as you are."

This seemed to get Theo's attention; the smaller boy looked up at Casey contemptuously, said, "Tiny?"

"I meant in terms of weight," Casey reiterated, smiling slightly at Theo's look of defensiveness. "And if you want, you can have my jacket, too. I'm fine without it, and yours actually looks pretty thin."

"Thanks," Theo uttered, forcing himself to straighten up and clear his mind, "but I can manage."

The pair continued their travels, Casey softly examining the smaller boy periodically, and Theo pretending to have other, more important things on his mind. After fifteen minutes of walking, Theo announced that they'd reached what he called the halfway point, and asked, "What time is it, anyway?"

Casey looked at his watch, said, "Eleven. Almost time for lunch."

"Now?"

"Why not?" Casey began scanning the different shops and buildings around them. "I didn't eat this morning."

"There's a surprise," Theo muttered.

Then, Casey spotted a small deli across the street and pointed to it, a broad grin on his face. He grabbed Theo's hand and, rather recklessly, ran across the street as a small portion of traffic slowed to a stop. Ignoring Theo's protests, he led the way into the place and immediately found himself at ease among the smell of turkey, baked bread, and mustard. He turned, watched as Theo disdainfully entered the deli after him, and announced to him, "We're here."

Theo stopped himself from responding with a vulgar retort and decided to just follow along; after all, he hadn't eaten breakfast either, and there really was no harm in stopping for something to eat. If they watched their time, they'd have just enough time to get back with R.J.'s package and change before the party began. Casey stepped into the short line leading towards the counter, and Theo obediently placed himself behind him. Looking around the room, he said, "I didn't even know this place existed."

Casey nodded. "It's sort of tucked into this street corner. Not many people know about it, but it's a great place. Lily and I come here sometimes, too."

They reached the front counter, and Theo noticed the many varieties of meats, cheeses, condiments, and sauces. It was certainly an attractive setup, he thought. The woman behind the counter beamed at them and took their orders; Casey treated himself to a large meatball sub, while Theo decided to just stay on the safe side and try a turkey sandwich. Needless to say, as he began to unwrap his own sandwich, he found himself unable to take his eyes off of Casey as he began to devour his own sub. Although Theo was used to Casey's hungry antics, it was still an exhibition, so much so that Theo finally said to him, "I feel sorry for that sub, actually."

Casey looked up at him, small traces of sauce across his mouth. "Hmm?"

"It looked painful. The poor thing - you didn't leave a single trace behind, except what's been splattered on your face."

"I was hungry, though," said Casey, as if this was reason enough to justify his feral eating habits. Theo passed him a napkin, and he wiped his face clean. "It's my animal instinct. Animals aren't kind when they eat, you know; they consume their prey, make sure they get every last drop."

Theo took a small bite out of his own sandwich. "How enlightening," he said.

"Especially _tigers_," Casey continued energetically. "Tigers pounce on their food. They don't play with it. They gobble it up in one large bite."

Briefly, Theo imagined Casey in the wild, preying upon a gazelle, or another passing animal. His friend certainly had the spirit of the tiger, the strength of the tiger, but on the outside - at least when he wasn't eating - Casey was harmless, and extremely docile and caring.

"But jaguars," Theo heard him say suddenly, "they're different. They're picky with their food, and have to be pretentious about their hunting."

"_Pretentious_?" Theo eyed his own sandwich, said, "On the contrary, jaguars are graceful about their hunting skills, and have a certain technique. They don't just go out attacking anything that moves; they wait until the time is right, and _then_ they take what they want."

When Theo became quiet again, Casey asked, "And what is it that you want?"

The question caught Theo by surprise. He looked at the other boy and, to his disdain, saw those same eyes full of quiet motivation that he feared so much. He felt as though he were being x-rayed, and wondered exactly how he should respond. "I want to finish my sandwich."

"That's not what I meant."

"Maybe you should be a little vaguer. That should make things more interesting."

"You say that like I have some hidden motive," Casey said. "I really don't."

Theo pushed his sandwich aside, felt the hairs on his neck became astoundingly erect. "Then why ask a question like that?" he asked irritably. "Why say that to me, of all people?"

Casey appeared to be stunned at the sudden burst of agitation. He shrugged, tried to lessen the tenseness that had aspired in the atmosphere; he wouldn't be able to get anything out of Theo this way, not unless he somehow managed to reaffirm his trust with the other boy. "Because I meant what I said yesterday," he whispered calmly. "You really have been acting strange." When Theo said nothing to the contrary, he added, "You don't have to tell me what it is - really, you don't. It's probably none of my business anyway-"

_You'd be surprised_, Theo thought quietly to himself.

"-but I just don't like seeing you like this. Neither does Lily. We worry about you when you're down, you know?"

"I know." Theo looked out the window of the deli. Businessmen and women were beginning to file out of the many buildings surrounding the crosswalks, on their way to their own lunch meetings where deals would be promised and broken, where things would be set into motion that Theo knew nothing about - just as none of them knew about him, about his own qualms. "I know the two of you want to look after me."

"Then let us," Casey said. Then, he smiled, began to scratch the back of his hairline. "Besides, you're a lot cuter when you're regular Theo, when you're fighting with me about stupid things and laughing with Lily about everything else."

Theo felt himself grow uncomfortably warm again; he could feel his face reddening, and quickly said, "You're so juvenile, Casey."

"See?" Casey said happily. "Now you're getting it."

The cheerfulness in his voice was vibrant, and it carried with it a wonderful sense of jubilance, like a child discovering imagination for the first time. Perhaps, Theo thought, he could accept the offer being handed to him so willingly, could take the time to allow his own issues and feelings for Casey to either develop more or disappear. Regardless of the outcome, at least he'd be able to say he had his support. His friends meant a lot to him, were incredibly important to him; to receive the same admiration in return felt remarkably tranquil. "Okay, then."

Casey raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

"If you two want to look after me, you can." Theo looked at Casey, saw his child-like face full of innocence, his eyes that remained questionable, yet were now somehow comforting.

"And you mean it?" Casey leaned forward; Theo suddenly found that he could smell that lovely scent again, that aroma of the wilderness at its purest form.

"I mean it."

Casey's smile widened even further. With this newfound understanding between them, they sat in silence as Theo finished the last of his sandwich. Afterwards, as they stumbled out the door and back into the cold world outside, Casey saw Theo once again shiver rather furiously. Without hesitating, he removed his jacket and placed it around the smaller boy, who looked up at him curiously.

"Consider it my first act of watching out for you, and being a better friend," he said before starting again down the street. Theo followed behind, then gathered speed to catch up; he did not protest.

---

When the two boys finally found the appropriate building - Theo checked the note at least four times to be sure - Casey said, "This is it?"

Theo shook his head in disbelief. "He's got to be kidding. There's no way. This has to be an incorrect address." He looked around at the adjacent buildings, hoping desperately for his assumption to be correct. "Do any of the other buildings look like they sell things? Any of them? _Any_ building other than _this_ one?"

Casey laughed, but even he couldn't hide his incredulity at their present location. "This is the edge of the business district. There aren't a lot of shops here, Theo. I think... I mean, I don't see any other options..."

"He must have been fooling himself," Theo muttered angrily to himself. "Sending us here, of all places. To get something. For _him_."

To anyone simply passing by nonchalantly, the building would have appeared to be just that: a large mound of solid brick that appeared to be very old and tarnished. However, after peering through the glass windows that revealed what was a small, elaborately decorated shop, Theo felt his heart drop into his stomach. Inside, the walls were made of stark concrete, and a good majority of the items on sale were either structured or ornamented in ways Theo had never imagined before. Most of them, to Theo's horror and Casey's interest, were made entirely of leather.

This, they realized, was a sex shop.

Casey was first to try loosely to break the awkward silence. "So, what do you think he's asking us to pick up?"

Theo sighed. "I'd rather not think about it. Let's just go in, get whatever it is he's sent us here for, and get out of here."

He pushed the door open slowly and, as if he were afraid of catching something dangerous, cautiously edged himself into the shop. Trying incredibly hard to not look at any of the items displayed behind the front counter, Theo approached a man dressed completely in black and said too begrudgingly, "We're here to pick up a package for someone."

The man turned to face Theo, said, "And what exactly did you order, if I may ask?"

Theo's eyes grew drastically large, and he quickly tried to correct himself, much to Casey's amusement. "What? Oh, no, no. _No_. It wasn't me; I didn't order this - whatever it is. We're here for someone else, to pick up something for a friend."

"Oh, that's what everyone says." The man began to unpack random objects, each one more obscene than the last. "It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"_What? No, you don't understand-_"

Casey quickly intervened. "What he means is that we're sort of on a tight schedule, and we need to get the package as soon as possible. Do you think you could help us out?"

The man eyed Theo covertly, obviously unconvinced, then acknowledged Casey and answered, "And what name was this package ordered under?"

"Oh." Casey assumed R.J. would use his own name, even at a place like this. "Robert James. Or he might have bought the item under the name 'R.J.', too. Check both of them to be sure."

With another sly glance in Theo's general direction, the man made his exit and went to the back room. Casey looked at Theo, who appeared to be utterly mortified, to say the least. Even so, Casey found it strangely cute and oddly intriguing that his friend seemed to be so uncomfortable when the topic of anything sexual seemed to graze the surface.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," Casey said, forcing back a smile.

Theo passed him a scornful look. "Don't. Just don't." He pressed his palm onto his face. "I'm so embarrassed right now. That guy actually thinks that I bought... that _I_ would be interested in..."

"In sex toys?"

Theo's face dropped further, and he felt that it would soon be dripping with his steadily-evaporating dignity. "Yes. Those."

Casey leaned against the counter, began to look at the wide assortment of items. "So? It's not a big deal, really. Although I wasn't aware that R.J. was even in a relationship, it's not like experimenting sexually is so odd in this day and age."

"That's not the point."

"And what is the point?" Casey asked, picking up an elongated something from the edge of the counter and examining it. "Wait, you've heard of these things before, right? This isn't your first time in a place like this?"

"Of _course_ it is. I'm not some pervert who goes looking through sex shops in my spare time." Theo was sure he would explode with embarrassment if this kept up. The store man soon returned, carrying with him a large box that was wrapped thoroughly in green wrapping paper and velvet ribbon the shade of Theo's face. Casey eyed the box peculiarly and, after signing and dating a form and listening to Theo try helplessly to justify himself being in such a place, carried it out into the street, underneath his arm. Theo sulked behind him, looking at his feet.

"Let's just take it home then," he muttered, pulling Casey's jacket tighter around his arms. "I don't even want to know what's in it."

"You won't have to." Casey looked at a nearby street sign and mentally charted their route back to the restaurant. "By the time we get back, it'll be nearly three, since everyone is starting to crowd the streets now that school is out. We'll have to give this to R.J., then get ready for tonight."

Theo looked down the street, saw two schoolgirls, clad in their uniforms, watching him and Casey carefully, giggling quietly to themselves. "Oh, right."

"Exactly," Casey said as the girls looked at each other knowingly and walked away. "So we'd better get going now." As the two began to move again, he added, "Oh, and what exactly are we supposed to wear to this thing?"

---

"Ah! You're back! And I see you brought the-"

R.J. paused as Theo shuffled past him, giving him a disdainful, merciless look.

"-the package, as well. And look, they've even taken the time to wrap it, too. Then all that's left for you to do is to get dressed. Now, I've already prepared the upstairs, so you're not allowed in; and Fran and Lily have closed down the parlor already just for this occasion. Oh, you can put that in the kitchen, I'll need it later."

Casey stopped himself quickly from thinking of what this might entail, and ushered himself into the kitchen, where Lily and Fran were both emptying out ingredients, doing last-minute preparations for R.J.

"It's funny," Fran said as Casey passed by. "I thought he was supposed to be holding this party for _us_."

Theo emerged from the stairs, looking rather aggravated. "The upstairs is locked."

"Of course it is." R.J. entered the kitchen and went to take over for Fran in dousing something in a certain brown spice. "You didn't actually expect me to ruin the surprise, now did you?"

Theo retorted, "And how are we supposed to get dressed?"

"Already taken care of." R.J. pointed towards a nearby closet that remained partially open. "I've taken the liberty of gathering your evening wear already. Lily and Fran, you can get dressed in the ladies' bathroom outside in the foyer. Your necessities are available as well if you need them."

"Necessities?" Casey asked.

"He means make-up," Theo said.

"Oh. _Oh_."

"And to the two of you," R.J. indicated to Casey and Theo, "you can take the men's bathroom in the foyer. And Casey, after searching through your room, I couldn't find anything... well, appropriate. So I made it my duty to purchase you some attire fitting for tonight. But you'll see once you're getting dressed."

Theo opened the closet door and saw, to his surprise, a small, white buttoned shirt, hanging underneath a black vest, both of which had been ironed carefully to perfection.

"You ironed these?" he said, grabbing his own attire and moving away so that Lily and Fran could gather up their own outfits, which were draped neatly in black traveling bags.

R.J. smiled. "No expense wasted, Theo. Now go, get ready. I've still got some things to do."

Theo watched as Casey reached for another black traveling bag, and unzipped it cautiously, as if something might jump out at him from inside. After scanning the outfit briefly, he took it and pulled it out of Theo's eyesight, taking it back out into the kitchen with him.

"Alright, let's get moving." R.J. began to shepherd them out the door, like a mother escorting her impatient children out of the kitchen. "Time to make yourselves irresistible, for lack of a better word."

---

Theo had allowed Casey to go in first; he sat outside in the foyer, rocking back and forth in a chair, thinking about what the two had spoken about that day. Both of his closest friends had now made attempts to reach out to him, to find out what was troubling him. The only trouble was that one of those friends was the epicenter of all of his emotions at the present time. And he had made yet another promise, a promise to allow the both of them to look out for him. He reminded himself that this was, after all, what friends did for one another. Even so, he couldn't help but feel increasingly strange at the thought of the very boy whom he was having such conflicting emotions over watching over him, like some sort of guarding angel. The day they'd spent together had been nice, he admitted. At least now he didn't have to hide the fact that something was burning inside of him, ready to implode, or at the very least burn a hole through his stomach. At least now he could be open, perhaps even honest. As he heard Casey moving around relentlessly in the bathroom, he wondered, could he just tell the other boy his feelings? Would it be more beneficial to him to just come clean with how he felt, and see how the other boy would react?

Perhaps. Perhaps something good could come of it; perhaps they could become even closer friends. After all, they'd spent the day together, grown closer because of it.

And he'd called Theo _cute_.

The bathroom door opened. Theo raised his head, watched as the other boy emerged, wearing the clothes R.J. had chosen specifically for this event.

Casey looked at himself, then to Theo; he shrugged. "Well, what do you think?"

Theo found himself at a loss for words. He searched frantically for something to say, anything to break through the imposing silence that had suddenly announced itself. Casey looked remarkable, completely different from what Theo had ever seen before of him. He wore black pants, a white shirt, a tie put together rather irresponsibly, but still with an amazing effect. It was lovely, even beautiful.

Theo felt Casey's jacket upon his back, its brutal heaviness. He said, "You look nice."

---

TBC

Owari

10/31/08

Happy Halloween.


	5. Five

**Title: **Love and Winter in Ocean Bluff

**Author: **Xanagar

**Part: **Five

**Rating: **M

For genre, disclaimer, etc. see part one.

-

**FIVE**

-

How long had it been since he'd spoken? Theo couldn't possibly be sure. When he finally did manage to say something, he wondered if it had even been audible, possibly a mixture between words and random noise. Casey continued to stand in front of him, dressed in his new attire. Theo looked on, transfixed.

"I guess it's your turn, then." Casey moved aside, left the bathroom door ajar so Theo could enter after him. As he passed by, he added, "Should I wait for you out here?"

Theo shook his head quickly. "No, don't wait up." He found the energy to stand again, felt the jacket upon his back gently slip off and fall lifelessly back onto the chair behind him. "I'll meet you guys in the kitchen later."

He watched as Casey walked away, an invisible something - what could it be? - trailing behind him, almost as if it were a faint light that seemed to follow him around, illuminating the rooms as he entered them. Theo saw the light; he believed he could feel the warmth it provided. When the coast was finally clear, he entered the bathroom, closing the door softly as he stared at himself in the dimly-lit mirror. His hair was ragged, and seemed to stand up at every inch of his head. His face appeared to be more flushed than usual, with tiny red blotches slowly forming along his cheeks and nose. He clutched his own outfit to his chest. He imagined he could feel his heart beating heavily even through its thick fabric. Casey had appeared to him as something entirely different in just that recent moment, but what? His black pants seemed to fit perfectly; his shirt and tie, regardless of the roundabout way in which they were assembled, managed to radiate the same light that followed behind him, imitating his obvious attractiveness. Theo began to pull apart the buttons on his own shirt with forced gentleness. He thought to himself, I never knew he could look like that.

When he was finished dressing himself, Theo opened the bathroom door, stepped out, and was greeted with silence. Once again, the restaurant was desolate, quiet. Not a soul stirred. Here was a moment of peace and tranquility, but it felt false, transparent. Theo wondered if, maybe, something, or someone, were missing. He quickly awoke himself from his daydreaming and moved to the kitchen door; Casey sat beautifully, like a perfectly-carved piece of marble, on a stool to the side, waiting for him. He smiled, motioned him forward.

"You clean up nicely," he said.

Theo shrugged. "I always thought I had a knack for looking suave."

"_Suave_?"

"Formal."

Casey laughed genially; distantly, Theo thought of angels, the way they might laugh at silly, human concerns. "Oh, I see. This is one of your many talents, yes? Theo knows how to dress for occasions."

Theo stepped cautiously, avoiding certain stains on the floor that might tarnish his black shoes, and stood against the opposite wall. He couldn't help thinking about how far away he was from the other boy, how incredibly distant. He asked himself, Should I be... closer?

"I can only imagine what R.J. might have planned up there."

Theo nodded. "Yeah."

"Maybe you could give me a few tips on being _suave_?"

At this, Theo did manage a small grin. "Just be yourself."

"Tell that to R.J. when he's in his 'party planning' mood. How will I know which fork to use? What do I do when I'm finished? And do you think he'll be serving desert?"

Theo said, "Again, don't focus so much on what you don't know. Just enjoy it. And work from the outside towards the center with your forks. When you're finished, wait until everyone else is finished as well before you decide to leave the table. And make sure to not get anything on your clothes - put the napkin in your _lap_. That's about all I can tell you, now. You'll be fine, though. I don't think R.J. would traumatize us completely simply for forgetting a slight rule of etiquette, don't you?"

At first, Theo wondered if Casey planned on responding at all. The other boy sat so silently, eying Theo with such intent, that questionable intent that Theo knew too well. Then, he smiled again. He leaned back against the wall, letting the stool carry his weight. He said, "You think I look nice."

"What?"

"Nice. _Nice_," Casey reiterated. "Earlier. At the bathroom. You said I looked _nice_."

Theo froze, clearly unsure of what to say; had Casey caught him? Was the other boy planning on tormenting him by making him confess something? Quickly, Theo shook his head nonchalantly. "Well, yeah," he muttered, looking for any loophole that would appear. "I mean, it's a great outfit. You do look really nice in it."

He then watched as Casey stretched his arms out in another triumphant gesture - silently, he wondered, haven't I witnessed _this_ enough already? - and let them fall, relaxed, behind his head. "Theo thinks I look nice," he said again, this time with a sense of dreaminess to his voice. It made Theo stir quite uncomfortably.

"Don't think too much of it," Theo muttered.

Casey shook his head. "But you don't understand. This is brilliant. I've pleased Theo. Theo. _Theo_." He laughed. "_Theo_ who is _suave_."

Theo rolled his eyes. "Now you're just trying to aggravate me."

Then, he heard the steady sound of leather against tile, shoes against floor. He looked up, and found Casey there, staring down at him. He heard him speak, and there was composure in his voice to replace the childlike dreaminess of before. "No, I mean it." He leaned closer. Theo smelt the familiar scent that stimulated his imagination again and again. "I'm very happy. I'm glad you think I look nice." He stood, and began walking back to his stool. Theo remained, captured in agitated opulence. As he watched the other boy take his seat, the kitchen door opened, and the girls entered, dressed as elegantly as ever, their hair tied in thick buns, their skin of perfect shades. They laughed to themselves excitedly, and everyone waited. Theo continued to gaze onward to the other side of the room. For a moment, he believed he imagined Casey smiling once again, quietly mouthing to him, "You look nice, too."

---

The group escorted themselves up the stairs; the door stood ajar now, awaiting its guests to appear before it. Theo stepped into the upstairs landing, and caught his breath in his throat. There were lights, so many lights, and candles set up in various places around them. A table waited expectantly in the middle of the room; the furniture had been carefully repositioned to accommodate it. On it, Theo took notice of the silverware, polished to pristine perfection, the china, on which was a delicately sculpted golden circle around the outer edges, and the aura that seemed to suddenly present itself. Everything seemed lovely, as if whatever had existed downstairs was nothing less than another plane of reality entirely. Theo imagined the upstairs door as a portal of sorts to another world, a more beautiful one, much as he'd read in many stories when he was younger. R.J. stood at the head of the table. He smiled, escorted them to their seats. Before each setting was a small name-card printed in stylish black cursive. Theo sat to R.J.'s right; Casey sat across from him. The two boys caught each other's momentary glance before taking their seats.

"Merry Christmas," R.J. said, holding up his glass. The others mirrored him, and clutched their own glasses, all of which managed to glisten in the candlelight. "To all of us, for our hard work and determination. May we all find what we're looking for this Christmas; may we all receive what we really want."

They toasted to this and more. The words '_what we really want'_ echoed in Theo's mind as the dinner began.

---

It truly was marvelous; the feast itself consisted of a surplus of salad, poultry, vegetables, pies, fruits, tarts, soups, and other delicacies that even Theo had never heard of. He reminded himself to thank R.J. later for this. Throughout dinner, Theo constantly found himself staring up at Casey, watching him eat. Surprisingly, the other boy managed very well, considering he wasn't normally accustomed to such ceremonial settings. He even discovered which fork to use in what order, much to Theo's surprise. And during those rare moments when a stray something would linger on Casey's lips before being wiped away, Theo felt a sudden chill down his spine; he cursed himself for his blatantly distracting imaginations, and reminded himself vigilantly that this was, in fact, _formal_.

When all was finished, R.J. stood up, and raised his glass once again for a wish that everyone's New Year would be fruitful and generous. Then, as everyone began to finish off their desserts, he quickly said, "Oh, but the night is not over, yet, my friends. There is still one more matter to attend to."

He reached underneath his chair and retrieved a surprisingly familiar box that Theo quickly recognized. He silently gasped, horror-struck, and heard Casey nearly choke on his food from laughing much too hard. No, Theo thought fearfully to himself. Surely he can't be thinking of brining _that_ out. Not _here_. Not _now_.

R.J. sat the large gift on the table. Lily and Fran exchanged peculiar looks, obviously interested in what their boss was up to; Lily even took notice of Theo's clear look of pain, and asked, "Are you alright?" Theo said nothing at all, but instead looked up at R.J. with such vigor that he debated whether or not he would pierce through the older man's skin completely.

"This is a very _special _gift that I arranged recently," R.J. began. "Call it a way of pushing things into what I believe is the right direction."

Oh, whatever, Theo thought. Clearly, the manager of the JKP had something else in mind, something sinister. He heard Casey ask curiously, "What's inside the box, anyway?"

R.J. smirked, then let out a much-too-grim laugh that forced Theo to contemplate hiding under the table immediately. "Oh, I'm sure you have some ideas of your own, Casey. After all, it was you and Theo that picked up this package for me, was it not?"

"That's the thing you had to go and get?" Fran asked, eyeing the box up and down. "Seems like a lot of trouble to go through. It's a massive box."

"That it is, dear Fran," R.J. continued. "A massive box for a _massive occasion_, you might say."

Casey grinned. "Nice."

Theo's eyes darted in Casey's direction, and they were certainly filled with anything but humor. _Nice? What do you mean 'nice'? You know just as well as I do what's in that box!_

"Well, let's open it," Lily said. "Don't keep us waiting too long, R.J. Theo looks like he's burning up with suspense."

"He sure is," Casey said, struggling to keep himself properly composed, which Theo did not find funny in the least. "Better get on with it, then, R.J."

But R.J. held up a hand for silence, and Theo paused, thinking for a brief moment that he might see salvation at the end of the tunnel. "Ah, but it isn't I who will be opening this magnificent gift, Casey. It's not for me. This gift was bought especially for a specific occasion, as I've said. An initiation of sorts. And it will be up to its bearer to decide when to open it and what to do with it." Then, Theo watched closely, his eyes never faltering, as R.J. stood up, the box held firmly in his arms, and walked slowly over to his left. He placed the box softly in front of its recipient, made his way back to his seat, and sat, another smile forming on his face, as though he'd just done the world a massively generous favor.

Casey blinked, not showing any sign of alarm, and somehow remaining calm, albeit, incredibly suspicious and curious. "Me?"

R.J. nodded. "You."

"_Him_?" Theo said.

"Him."

After a moment of awkward silence that quickly filled the room, and a rather smug look from R.J., Lily interjected. "Excuse me if I'm slightly impatient," she said. "But exactly when are we going to see what's actually _inside_ the box?"

Casey continued to stare at the mentioned box, rather vacant now. R.J. added, "It's up to him. It's his present, after all."

"I'm actually a little bit curious as to what's inside this box, too," Casey finally said. "I mean, considering where it came from."

"Where _did_ it come from?" Fran asked.

This time, Theo quickly cut in with, "Nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. We found it."

Lily looked at him, unconvinced. "Oh, come on, Theo. If you won't tell us where you received it, maybe Casey will." She turned to Casey and said, "Well, Casey?"

Casey sat silently for a moment. Theo tried to get his attention, tried to tell him that if he even so much as uttered where they'd been that day, he would never speak to him again, but before he could try to do so, the other boy sighed rather loudly. Theo watched as he grabbed the box, stood up, and began walking towards his own bedroom. With a deep sigh of relief, Theo clutched the napkin in his lap, and wiped his own face with it; he imagined he must be covered in sweat by this point, or at the very least the color of a tomato. When Casey returned, everyone waited on pins and needles for him to speak.

"Later," he finally said. "It's my gift, and I choose to open it later."

Theo didn't know whether to be thrilled about this, or horrified; Lily looked on in impatient protest; Fran sighed, and went back to finish the last of her cake. Suddenly, R.J. addressed them all again. "Excellent! Now that that's out of the way, we can adjourn this fantastic evening. I thank you all for coming, and may you all have a prosperous time cleaning up."

"You're making us clean up?" Lily asked, although without much surprise at all.

R.J. pulled off another one of his faux-gasps, and muttered, "But you can't expect me to clean _all of this up_ after I went through all the trouble of preparing it, no? Why, I have many things to do before I go to bed, you know. This is a job better suited for... what's the word? Oh, yes. _Employees_."

"Well, I have to be heading home," Fran said, standing up. "This was lovely, R.J. Thank you."

"But it was _my_ pleasure." As Fran made her way to the stairs, R.J. then turned to the other three guests and looked slowly upon each one of them, then said quietly. "It really, really was."

---

Theo had been left to washing dishes, something he was rather accustomed to, actually. Lily had quickly volunteered to pack up the linens used on the table, and Casey had agreed to do, well, anything else that he could think of, as Lily had so eloquently put it before heading downstairs with tablecloth in hand. Casey hadn't objected, and as Theo took another plate in his hand and began to scrub diligently, he quietly wondered where the other boy had gone off to, when he felt a foreign something - he later comprehended; a _hand_ - begin to lightly stray across his neck. His first instinct was to put the plate down and run, to protest; instead, he stood quite still. He allowed the inclusion to happen, allowed himself to submit to the touch.

"Having fun?"

The voice was humorous. Theo thought, _He's enjoying himself_.

"Sure looks like it." The hand moved away, and Casey stood over the sink, only a mere inch away from Theo.

Theo said, "As much fun as it could be, Casey."

"Need any help?" Theo noted that the other boy sounded hopeful, as if he needed any reason to stay. In the back of his mind, he couldn't help but wonder if he, strangely, wanted the same.

He finally responded. "No." He steadied his voice. "No, I've got it. I've got things under control here, but thanks anyway."

Then, he heard a sigh. A heavy, long sigh. And yet... was Casey just teasing him? The outtake of breath seemed so mocking in tone, as if the other boy were planning something, and had no intention of letting Theo in on the plot. But Theo continued to wash his plate, never actually looking Casey in the eyes, never actually giving him anymore string to pull on to really get to him. He said, "R.J. really outdid himself tonight, didn't he?" Casey said nothing. Theo wondered why his friend was suddenly at a loss for words, and continued, "Really great, I think. What about you?"

Through the corner of his eye, Theo saw Casey stare curiously into the sink water, expressionless. He said, "Let's open the gift now."

Theo almost dropped the plate in his hand. "Excuse me?"

"The gift. R.J.'s gift. The one I got-"

"I _know _which gift."

"Then how about it?"

Theo stopped washing. He sighed. "Why are you asking me?"

"I don't know." Casey sounded sincere. "I was just curious." After a pause, he added, "We found it together. Don't you think it would be appropriate for us to open it together?"

Theo said nothing. How could he? He told himself, this all has to be a game, a plot set up by _him_, in order to antagonize him, to drive him to the point of insanity; there simply could be no other alternative in his mind. Why would Casey do this, this tantalizing way of pulling him closer and closer and closer, when Theo could not bring himself above water to answer back to him. But perhaps there was a solution - to everything, everything that had happened to them, the burning feeling that continued to grow in the pit of Theo's stomach, the images that continuously rushed through his mind at erratic intervals, never seeming ready enough to leave him well alone. He could end this now, if he only wished it badly enough. The scalding hot water burned his hands. He pretended he could not feel it.

"Here," he said.

Casey asked, "Here?"

There wasn't enough time to think, and Theo really couldn't have even if he had wanted to. There was only a moment between the time it took for Casey to comprehend what was happening, or even Theo to comprehend what exactly it was he was doing. Perhaps he was doing it all subconsciously, and all of this was one large dream in itself, where he would look back after waking up and laugh, content and happy that it could only be just that: a dream. He would remember the empty noises of the room as he turned, stood on tip-toes, and leaned forward. He would remember the feeling of traveling somewhere else, somewhere unknown but altogether lovely and warm. He would remember feeling the ceasing of time again, so that he could do this, this thing that he both dreaded and longed for. He would remember the feel of the other boy's lips, the gentleness of them, the welcoming sensation that came along with them. And he would remember that scent; he could still remember that scent.

Inevitably, everything ended. Time sped up again. And Theo suddenly found himself back by the sink, vastly aware of himself, of the human being standing adjacent to him.

Neither spoke. Theo suddenly felt faint, as if he could collapse at any moment. What had he just done, exactly? Did he really think that would accomplish _anything_? Could he have just risked their entire friendship by doing something so blasphemous?

And then, there was the other boy's voice, calm, steady, even quaint to a certain extent. "Why?"

Theo's voice was incredibly unsteady as he spoke. He wondered if he might suddenly break into tears at any moment. "Your gift."

"What?"

"You said it at the park." He wondered if Casey would remember; there was no change in expression, no look of confusion; then he must remember, thought Theo. "Something large, but small, too." Theo swallowed; his throat burned. And although neither boy knew it, outside, snow began to steadily fall again. "Something meaningful."

---

TBC

Owari

1/24/09


	6. Six

**Title**: Love and Winter in Ocean Bluff

**Author: **Xanagar

**Part: **Six

**Rating: **M

For genre, disclaimer, etc. see part one.

-

**SIX**

-

And so he had fulfilled his end of the bargain. This would be his gift, his special something to the other boy this Christmas. Whether or not Casey would accept it was another matter, but there was nothing he could do now; what was done was now done. He stared at his own feet, too frightened to see what the other boy's expression might be at this point.

At first, Theo wondered if Casey was even going to say anything. Abruptly, he heard a blunt, "Theo."

He didn't answer back. He couldn't answer back.

"Theo," Casey said again, still just as firm. "Look at me."

Finally, Theo managed to murmur a faint, "No."

Then, he felt a warm hand take hold of his chin, grip him tightly, lift his head higher so that he was within eyesight of Casey. So many times had he been forced to look solely into those eyes, those eyes that were so confusing, yet so mesmerizing to him. It was antagonizing to the highest degree imaginable.

Casey said, "I want you to look at me, Theo."

Theo felt himself gasp slightly, causing his words to become muffled in his throat. He said nothing. He continued to stare. Casey eventually loosened his grip, and sighed, his expression still incredibly difficult to read. Theo wondered if this would be the part in the evening where their friendship took a dramatic turn for the worst. He waited.

"So you listened," Casey said, still holding the other boy quite still with his gaze. "I'm happy, then."

Theo search frantically for air to breathe; he found to his annoyance that even it was clouded so forcefully with the other boy's intoxicating scent. "Stop it," he said.

"Stop what?" Casey asked curiously.

"Stop doing _this_. This teasing. You've been doing it for days now, and I'm _sick _of it, don't you understand?" His voice broke once more. He struggled to hold back his tears, but to no avail. "I'm sick of this way that you've made me feel recently. Don't you know what it's doing to me?"

Casey said nothing. And then he slowly allowed his hand to fall from Theo's chin. But he did not step back, or falter. There existed then a moment where Casey contemplated what to do next. There were different paths he could take, different choices he could make now. And now they were here, waiting for someone to act. Or perhaps it was simply Casey's turn to act. Perhaps Theo had already done so in offering his gift to him. Quietly, he moved closer to the other boy and, softly, embraced him.

"Okay," he said, clutching Theo gently. "You're right; enough, now."

Theo listened, and could barely make out the sound of water as it slid out of the faucet and landed rapturously against the metal of the sink. As he stood captured in the warm body of another human being, he felt his own aching, his own pain begin to slip away, as if it were slowly dripping off of the tips of his fingers, or through the faucet and into the sink. He recalled his own loss of composure, and felt ashamed. "I'm sorry," he said, burying his head onto the nearby shoulder of his friend. "I shouted. I shouldn't have."

"It's fine."

"I just couldn't hold it in anymore." Theo reached around to Casey's back, and his arms clutched at stray fabric, as if he were afraid to let go. He said, "I thought my heart would explode."

"You shouldn't have to hold anything in," Casey said. "No one should."

Theo found himself enjoying the sound of his voice. It sounded so reassuring. "Are you mad at me?" he asked, although he felt he already knew the answer.

Casey shook his head. "No," he said. "I'm not mad at you."

"You should be," Theo said, regaining his equanimity. "I would be. In fact, I think I am. Just forget that outburst. Pretend it didn't happen."

Casey laughed faintly. "Stop talking now, okay?" Then, after a moment of silence, he added, "Your present. I still need to give it to you, yes?"

Suddenly, Theo felt the absence of warmth as Casey moved away. He began to walk past him, and just as Theo felt the need to cry out, or to ask for him to come back, to not leave him alone, he felt a firm grip on his hand, and the sensation of being pulled forward.

"Come with me," Casey said, and without another word, Theo obediently complied.

---

Casey's room looked so incredibly bare basking in the pale moonlight outside his window. Momentarily, he reminded himself that Casey didn't own many things, only what he really needed. Even the bed itself looked rather hopeless, draped in only two very thin sheets and held together by what Theo could only assume was rather unsteady framing. There weren't even any tables or chairs. A small alarm clock sat on the floor, blinked the time in bright red numbers. Next to it was the box that had been given to Casey earlier, still wrapped elaborately, and yet appearing as though it held some deep secret of some sort. The curtains had been pulled; outside, Theo could see frost gathering along the window's edges.

Casey pulled him into the room and, rather loudly, shut the door behind the two of them. Theo distantly wondered if anyone might have heard, but suddenly found himself being pulled again, this time into the direction of Casey's bed.

When he reached it, he heard Casey tell him, "Sit down." He did so.

He watched as the other boy then knelt down in front of him and, to his surprise, pulled him into yet another kiss, this one slightly different, though. It lacked the perplexity that Theo's had contained before; no, this felt different. This felt natural.

Theo returned the kiss hesitantly; slightly unsure of what he should be doing, he leaned forward, allowing Casey unfettered access to the crevices of his lips. It was a tad disorienting at first. After all, he'd never actually kissed another man before, let alone a close friend. Casey, however, seemed to be a natural. Distantly, Theo reminded himself to ask about this later. When Casey stopped the kiss, Theo heard himself whimper slightly in protest, much to his embarrassment and, annoyingly, to Casey's interest. Theo looked up at Casey, as if to say, What now?

"You're not doing anything wrong," Casey said, reaching forward and enclosing Theo's hands in his own. "We're not doing anything wrong."

Theo watched Casey intently, then nodded. He would trust him now. "I know," he murmured. "I just don't know what to do."

"Don't do anything, then." Casey leaned forward again, placed one more kiss – this one obscured with gentleness – upon Theo's lips. "I'll do everything for both of us. Okay?"

Theo wasn't so sure about this, about submitting so completely to another human being. Would his pride allow it? At the feeling of a warm mouth nipping softly against his neck, he silently scolded Casey, his strong ways of persuasion. He grunted, pushed himself forward, so that he tilted slightly off of the bed.

"Don't move," Casey told him, causing him to shiver; he couldn't be sure if it was the other boy's warm breath, or simply the way in which his voice sounded. Theo looked up at him. He still wore the clothes R.J. had given him. He still looked utterly amazing, much to his own obliviousness regarding his looks.

"You keep looking at me," Casey said, slowly unbuttoning the buttons of Theo's vest.

Theo said, "Should I not be?"

After moving aside the last button, Casey pulled the black cloth off of Theo's back and allowed it to drop off lifelessly onto the floor as he tossed it aside. "I don't know," he responded. He then stared up into Theo's eyes as he reached for the small buttons attached to his shirt. "Do you like looking at me?"

Theo couldn't decide if such a question was meant to be sexual, or if Casey was being genuinely curious. With Casey, it was really hard to tell. Or perhaps it was just that this way of speaking to Theo, with such confidence and such neutrality to all other things, was also natural, as natural as their kissing or embracing one another.

"Yes," he finally said, allowing Casey to pull the uncomfortable Oxford off of him. "Yes, I do."

"Then don't stop." Theo watched as Casey placed his clothing to the side, next to his vest. "Keep watching me."

Even in just his undershirt, he still felt heavy, as though removing just his outer clothes weren't enough. He still felt as though he was covered in something that he needed to get off. Looking down at his own skin, he noticed the chill bumps that had begun to form, regardless of how increasingly warm his body had begun to feel. Suddenly, he realized that Casey had ceased his work, and was now standing in front of him, as if waiting for something.

"But, you didn't finish-"

Casey touched a finger to his lips, silencing him. He felt himself being pulled onto his feet, heard Casey say, "Now, undress me."

Theo stood still for a moment. He still remained in his own black pants, which had become steadily more annoying, steadily more uncomfortable. He wanted to be rid of them, and began to say something before his own hand was taken and placed on Casey's chest, causing him to forget whatever it was he was going to say. Obediently, he reached up and began to unbutton Casey's own shirt, although he had to push himself up on his toes to properly see what he was doing in the twilight of the bedroom. As each button was removed, more golden skin revealed itself, until Theo could visibly see the whole of the other boy's chest, the way each muscle appeared to be so perfectly shaped. He grabbed Casey's shoulders and slipped the shirt off, and, instinctively, was tempted to touch him, but hesitated once again. Then, he heard a laugh, saw a smile form on the other boy's face, felt his own hand being guided again to a certain spot. As his fingers reached warm outer skin, he felt himself become lazily entranced. His eyes became slightly hazy. His senses became faulty, and his head became fantastically numb.

"Don't be afraid," he heard Casey say.

He wasn't afraid. He wanted more of this, this feeling of ecstasy. This must be some kind of drug, Theo thought to himself. He felt he might soon become addicted.

Casey leaned forward and extended another kiss upon his cheek, then knelt down once again. Theo felt concentrated hands begin to unfasten his pants, and his heart began to race at a speed he could not comprehend. He still felt numb, and yet he was so profoundly aware of all things involving the two of them at that moment. Something was most certainly about to happen, and Theo had no intention of turning back now, not after all he'd been through to reach this point. He heard the sound of his belt hit the ground, and came to the realization that he was indeed naked.

Casey admired Theo's body, the way it appeared before him in the moonlight. "You look so beautiful," he said.

Theo smiled, listed his head lazily back and forth. He said, "You're good at this."

"There's nothing to be good at," Casey answered, standing up again and allowing Theo to once again see the full display of his upper body. "This is just natural."

There was that word again – _natural_. Something about it, perhaps the way it sounded within Casey's tone of voice, the meticulousness of his words as he said it, gave off an aura that pleased Theo immensely. The idea that this was all clean, that it was all completely without remorse or guilt, fascinated him and erased all of his remaining inhibitions.

"Now," Casey said, "lay down."

Theo softly sat back down on the bed, the strange foreignness of the bed sheets protruding his awareness even more. He lay down completely, and noticed how the moonlight seemed to illuminate a portion of his body. Even in this light, he agreed with Casey. He did look beautiful.

Suddenly, the weight of the bed moved, and Theo looked up to see Casey now completely naked, positioning himself over him. Quietly, he made a mental note that the other boy's lower half was just as irresistible as his upper half, if not more so. He watched Casey look at him, and there was definite protectiveness there, staring back at him.

"This will feel different," he began. "I don't know if you'll like it or not."

"It doesn't matter." Theo leaned forward, connected Casey's lips with his own in another loving kiss. He repeated himself as Casey remained unmoving. "It doesn't matter, Casey. I want you to do it, okay? No matter what it feels like."

Casey remained still for a moment. Then, he said a final, "Okay," before beginning the process of whatever it was they were about to engage themselves in. All the while, he continued to keep his gaze fixed upon Theo, allowing him to see his eyes, and the reassurance that he offered him.

Theo lay still. Then, as Casey moved over him and kissed him one final time, he felt a sudden _push_ as something large was thrust inside of him. He let out a silent scream and reached up, gripping the other boy's back to keep him from fainting from the unimaginable pain, shaking uncontrollably from the sudden intrusion that seemed to leave his body helpless and writhing. Casey held him in place, whispered in his ear to be still and to relax, even as the smaller boy whimpered and began to claw aggressively at his back, like an animal being tortured to the brink of insanity. Once Casey had stopped moving, he waited as Theo tried desperately to adjust to the feeling of having been entered. Then, carefully, he pulled himself out, only to thrust back in again. This time, Theo did manage a clearly audible scream, but not out of pain. This was a different sound, thickly soaked in something else. Casey said to himself, _Pleasure_.

Theo's breathing became erratic and heavy, coming in sporadic waves whenever he could manage it. The stretching was incredible; he couldn't imagine he'd ever felt anything like this, never in the entirety of his life. He wondered if he might be bleeding, the pain was so intense. But now, as Casey began thrusting in and out in a rhythm that became ritualistic, the pain came with waves of pleasure, of undeniable motions that he loved so much, that he felt like he could endure the pain as long as he needed to if it only meant being able to feel more of this. He squeezed his eyes shut, allowed himself to submit to Casey as he slowly overtook him.

Watching the look on Theo's face, Casey leaned forward and took the other boy's mouth in his own, this time forcing his tongue in, tasting something delicious in the process. Sweat began to trickle down his chest. With every thrust, he heard a slightly audible whimper emit from the boy underneath him.

Suddenly, Theo's body began to tense up as he felt himself ready to explode. He pulled himself forward and buried himself into Casey's neck, his breathing now practically nonexistent. Then, as he felt a sudden, sharp pain on the surface of his own neck, as if he had been bitten roughly, he reached his climactic end, and gasped.

As afterglow filled his head, he fell back lifelessly onto the sheets beneath him and watched as Casey thrust into him one final, glorious time as a warm something was issued into him. He felt limp, as though he could never move again, felt Casey slowly pull out of him and begin to hold himself up before falling, exhausted, onto him. Everything suddenly became altogether quiet. The two lay quite still.

---

When Theo finally opened his eyes, Casey was already lying next to him, still naked, looking out the window and down at the streets. The twilit glow of the moon had disappeared now, as night had formally announced itself, and the only light that seemed to exist came from the alarm clock, casting an eerie red glow across the floor of the room.

Once Theo began to stir, Casey turned his head to acknowledge him. He was smiling. "Hey," he said.

Theo touched his own chest. His heart had resumed its normal pattern of beating. "Hey."

Casey moved closer to him, relaxed himself on his free hand. "How are you feeling?"

Theo tried to move, but quickly winced as he felt an annoying throbbing below his legs. He breathed. "I don't know. It really hurt."

"But you liked it?" Casey inquired.

"Yeah." Theo touched his shoulder; his skin was still surprisingly warm, even though it was freezing outside, and he was still completely without clothes. "You didn't have to bite me," he said, repositioning himself as best as he could, and ignoring the other boy as he laughed slightly.

"Sorry." Casey scratched his head innocently. "I guess I got carried away."

"Yeah," Theo uttered with a pinch of sarcasm. "You might have there, just at the end." Then, he smiled. "That was amazing."

"You were amazing," Casey answered.

There seemed to be a sense of innocence back in Casey now. The dominance and sexual hunger was gone and replaced by the same old casual friend that Theo knew so well. And he looked so beautiful, lying so comfortably on his bed. Theo believed he could lay like this forever, as long as Casey was here to lay with him.

"Oh," Casey said suddenly. "I nearly forgot."

Before Theo had a chance to ask, Casey had already reached over him and onto the other side of the bed. He returned with a familiar box in his arms, a smile on his face. "I said we could open it," he said.

Theo blinked unresponsively. "You're still curious as to what's in that box?"

Casey nodded sneakily. "And you can't tell me you're not, either. Especially after what we've just finished."

"I fail to see how that's relevant." Although, Theo couldn't hide that, quite suddenly, he had become unfathomably curious as to what in the hell could be in that box. "But I am slightly bemused," he added. "God only knows what R.J. intended by buying whatever is in there. Be carefully, I say."

Casey laughed. "It's not a bomb. I think we'll be fine."

"I warned you," Theo uttered as Casey began to unwrap the ominous thing, bit by bit. His eyes began to widen as the other boy reached the box's surface. Then, the lid was removed, and Theo waited as Casey merely looked inside, rather transfixed on the contents he could make out.

"Well?" Theo moved closer; he waited for Casey to say something, but he received no such answer. However, Casey did inevitably reach inside and pull out what appeared to be a small, black leather collar – the kind normally used for dogs. On it was a small, metal tag. Theo couldn't make out the words on it. "I don't get it," he said, confused. "He bought you a dog collar?"

For a moment, Casey was silent. Then, as a certain realization hit him, he answered Theo. "No," he said, coming to terms with the intentions of the gift. "No, I don't think that's it at all."

"Well, please enlighten me, because I'm obviously out of the loop," Theo said. He saw Casey smile and lean towards him. He felt himself being kissed once again, tasted the same amazing taste, smelt Casey's effortlessly beautiful smell that made him think of rivers, mountains, and all things natural. He waited, expecting to be teased once again, but in essence received the exact opposite reaction.

Casey said, "I think this is for you."

Theo was stunned. His mouth hung slightly open. "For me?"

Casey nodded. "For you."

"That's impossible. Why would he buy this for me?"

Without answering, Casey took the collar and, with the delicateness of master craftsmen, positioned the thing around Theo's neck, tightening it. He then leaned back to examine his work, and found that, to his perverse fascination, the dark leather contrasted perfectly with the dark color of the small boy's skin. He reached forward and took the tag in his hands, read it aloud. "Property of Casey," he said, causing an unmistakable red blush to climb onto the crevices of Theo's face.

"Very funny," Theo uttered, feeling that his whole body might be turning red at this point. But he made no intent to take the collar off.

Casey lay back down and wrapped an arm around Theo's waist, pulling him down with him. "I like it," he said into Theo's ear. "And I think that you like it, too."

Yes, he was right. Although Theo would never actually verbally admit it, he did like this. He liked the idea of belonging to someone, of meaning something so strong to someone. And as incredibly perverse and ridiculous as R.J.'s idea had been, apparently he had seen it, too. And perhaps so had Lily as well. Who was to say? But none of that seemed even vaguely important at the moment to Theo. The thriving pain in his chest was gone; the nervousness had disappeared to be replaced by unequivocal happiness and content. He was here now, with the person he could now say that he deeply did love – yes, _love_, that was what he had longed to overcome, to hide for so long. But love cannot be hidden or snuffed out. It can only burn brighter and brighter with each new commandment added to it. Casey pulled him into another embrace and began to whisper soft things into his ear, things he couldn't really make out as he began to drift off to sleep. Outside, the cold winter blanketed everything in sight. Inside, Theo felt warm.

---

End

Owari

2/19/09


End file.
